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SparklingWine Offline
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Name: Lynds :)
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I withdrawing, closing up. - March 1st 2010, 04:11 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

The closest people I have right now know that I have a tendancy to close up. Everything just seems to be falling apart now. I'm falling bhind in school, my ED is coming back, my gf and I broke up, Sh is returning, and I feel like everyone is on my back. I feel like I'm going to go crazy.

So I'm apart of a group of friends. They are amazing. My ex gf is apart of that group. Now that we broke up, it might be harder to hang around that group. We broke up because I wasn't stable and we fight alot. She asked me "Why won't you let me help you?". The truth is, I don't know. I don'teven know if I want any of their help. Because I think that means letting go of all that I know.

Part of me wants to go to a support group possibly. One that you stay for a few weeks or something. Those are costly. People there would understand how i feel. I feel alone in this world. I do have many aqqaintances but I still feel alone within myself. If that makes sense at all. I just feel like everything is hitting me at once. I just want to hurt myself all the time. And my ED.. ugh I don't even know what to say about that. I just want out. And I don't want to have to hurt myself so bad that I pass out.

I feel like I have to be something I'm not. I mean, I'm a cheerleader. Aren't they suppose to be happy? Shouldn't I not feel so alone. I'm not happy and I do feel alone.

The other day I had counseling. She said that she feels like I'm improving. I disagree. I feel like I'm becoming worse. That might have to do with the fact that I'm not telling her all of what I'm typing right now. I'm too embarressed. Idk. I'm at a loss.

I just want out.



Last edited by SparklingWine; March 1st 2010 at 04:12 PM. Reason: Forgot to add something
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Whisperer Offline
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Re: I withdrawing, closing up. - March 1st 2010, 07:37 PM

Hey Lyndsee,

Sorry to hear you are in a tough situation right now. I can really relate to when everything just comes down on you at once. But, you have to keep your eye on the prize. You WILL get out of this hole and you WILL feel better. Yes, you'll have to climb and work hard, but you CAN do it. Part of the healing process means opening up. I know it's weird talking to people, I know it can be hard, and I know sometimes you just want to shut yourself away. But, unless you work to fight through those feelings, you're just going to feel worse. If you tell people how you are feeling, let them know you are having a hard time opening up, they are more likely to help make it easier for you. That's what they are there for. Tell your counselor you aren't improving. Tell your counselor you are withdrawing. And tell your counselor everything is coming down on you. She can't read you mind.

A support group is a great idea because it's a nice way to find others going through the same things as you are. Some even take insurance so you wouldn't end up paying very much. But, I think first you need to feel comfortable with opening up. Because support groups work best when you can tell others how you feel and they can understand better to help you. Going and not talking at all and isolating yourself isn't going to help at all. I know how hard this all is but there is hope Lyndsee. Isolation and withdrawing are symptoms of depression so if you work hard to fight this, you'll be able to have a better life. I'm always here if you want to talk.

Stay strong,

Alessa


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