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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
She.Smiles Offline
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Name: Kori
Gender: Female
Location: Usa

Posts: 125
Join Date: March 2nd 2010

What to do...? Can't open up? - March 2nd 2010, 02:34 PM

Lately my bf has been noticing I'm not happy and he talked to be about it and listed some reasons:
- don't eat
- always sulking
- don't do anything with my life
- think negative thoughts about hurting myself
( I can't actually do this cuz last time I did
he told my mom and she freaked. It hurt me cuz he didn't care to talk first about it) so I hurt myself in simple
ways but don't make it noticeable like using a rubberband or
digging my nails into my skin or not eating.

there was more, and he said he was going to tell
someone so I can get help.. I denied everything and told him
I don't need help. When the truth is... I do. I just don't wanna be known for needing help. I don't wanna go to a counselor
and I can't talk to my parents, we don't have that good of
a relationship. I admitted I am depressed and dunno what to do to a guy
friend who lives far away. The only reason I did it is because I bedded
someone to talk to and I know he can't do anything about it like
my bf who can and will talk to someone. My friend
called me selfish for this..

..Is it selfish to keep things to myself? And not let the ppl who wanna help in and admit things to them. Is it selfish that I can admit those things to people that I know are not able to do anything about it.. But I make sure I don't admit*Anything to the people who could do something about it and don't let them in?

My bf said if I don't start showing signs of being happy then he's gonna talk to someone so for now I gotta act happy.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Lacey
Gender: Female
Location: NY

Posts: 454
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Re: What to do...? Can't open up? - March 2nd 2010, 03:32 PM

Hey there,

I don't think how your acting is selfish. I think your acting just like a lot of people would in your situation. It's scary to admit you need help and unfortunately, that is what's causing you to keep all these emotions in.

Do you think it would be to your benefit to explain how you feel to him? That you feel you can't trust him with your emotions because he refuses to keep it to himself. Sometimes its important to have an outlet. If he could just listen and take everything in stride, it might help you a lot more then if he keeps betraying your trust.

Also, the friend who lives far away. That's not uncommon. Its your way of venting your feelings and still being protected. In a way its healthy because it allows you to get your feelings out. On the other hand it could really help you to let those around you know whats going on. Having a shoulder to cry on isn't a bad thing.

Why do you think your so against counseling? Counseling is kept very private. No one needs to know. I'm sure you could find ways of going without your mother or boyfriend finding out. However, again, having that support is a great thing!

Maybe you could start to show your emotions a little bit. And if he does reach out to get you help, you can accept it. It's okay to admit that you need help. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. There is no such thing as a self made man. Its all about benefiting off those around you. Hiding your emotions and acting happy can only hurt you furter, and your boyfriend doesn't want that.

I know admitting that you need help is hard. But can you imagine that though that help you would feel so much better. You would have no reason to SH! You could be happy! Doesn't that seem worth it?

I know what your going through is tough. If you ever need to talk more of you have any questions at all feel free to PM me. Its what I'm here for.

Take care of yourself.


Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

Need to talk? I'm here. --->
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
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Name: Anna
Age: 26
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Re: What to do...? Can't open up? - March 3rd 2010, 09:08 PM

Hey Kori,

I feel for you, I know how hard it is when people tell your parents. I have had many people in the past tell my parents things - regardless of their importance or severity. I think you should ask him in future to at least tell you if he is going to mention it to your mum, so you can prepare yourself.

But do you not think that if it got you help it could be worth it? If things are becoming visible, it generally either means that you are comfortable with the person who is noticing them so you slowly letting someone in, or it means things are getting too much and you just can't pretend anymore. Admitting you need help is a very strong and brave thing to do - it opens up a lot of options and it most certainly isn't anything to be ashamed of, not at all. Infact, I admire people who can admit it.

Everyone on TH is here for you whenever you need them, there will always be someone online! But perhaps you could try counselling? Even if it is just someone like a guidance counsellor at school. It can be very useful and actually a lot of people have it for a variety of reasons.

No matter what people say, you aren't being selfish. I think you need to sit down and talk to the people you have mentioned in your post (your boyfriend, etc) and talk to them about how you are feeling. If you don't feel you can then talk about it in broad terms without any specific details. It's the first step of getting the help you deserve.

PM me if you ever need a chat Kori,
Take care.
Anna
   
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