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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 02:29 AM

I can't make my sister understand that she's the main cause of my current depression. She won't listen to me at all. She won't let me explain a thing, and when I try, she brushes it off as me being "emo." She won't listen when I tell her I need to be alone. I tell her that she needs to leave me alone for her own good when I'm feeling like I am now, but again she won't listen. She's even more persistent. I actually have to sit on the floor in front of my door to keep her out.

She's stifling, demanding, and she treats me like crap!

She told me several times today that I'm being ridiculous. Perhaps she wouldn't think so if she ever LISTENED.

I'm pretty sure she called our dad. He called me at least...after she finally left my door.

Maybe if I showed her the cuts from last night....then she'd think I'm insane.

I almost cried several times today at work. On the way home. Talking to my best friend. I have cried several times today...a few tears here and there once in the sanctuary of my room.

And then half an hour ago happened....


Anyone recently cried so hard you felt your heart was on the verge of combustion?

I'm freezing but I'm too afraid to leave the spot in front of my door.

I'm supposed to be studying for my midterm on Thursday...for a class I'm not doing so well in.


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 02:43 AM

well...your sister, I think shes going through something too. Why else would she be so mean to you. When she KNOWS that ur depressed and sad.

I was just like u on the crying part, one night i curled up on the floor and cryed for 5 hrs straight.

but its important to try as hard as u can to focus on ur midterm and ignore ur sister, dont let her or anyone else ruin ur future.

i hope that helps some
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 03:01 AM

Thanks for the comment.

Yeah, I know my sister's going through her own problems. I understand that she's graduating in two and a half months. And though I tell her I'm depressed and need to be alone, I don't think she believes me. I know she doesn't understand. I've told her that I've been suffering from depression for ten years. She doesn't believe that a nine year old could be depressed. But when I was nine, I hung myself from a jungle gym by the wrists. I almost hung it around my neck. I knew exactly what would have happened if I did, but I almost did it anyway.

My eyes burn from all the crying. I swear I never used to be like this....so why am I now? I miss the days when I could only laugh. I never cried.

I'm trying to focus, but I can't. I can't retain any information I read.


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 03:11 AM

i know exactly how u feel. I've been depressed ever since ive moved here 9 years ago. I use to walk slowly across the street in hopes that i would get hit by a car. ( i still do that sometimes now)

im pretty sure the reason u can't focus is because of depression...I had to eventually take depression meds to get me to focus.
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 03:29 AM

I realized last week that I too cross the street at dangerous times. Then again, that's easy to do on a college campus.

Oh I'm sure of it. My depression's also caused severe insomnia. I can't sleep until about 5 or 6 am. Some days I get only a few hours of sleep and I'm fine...but then there are days like today when I sleep in until almost 1 pm. I used to be a great student, but now I don't even feel the need to go to class.


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 04:22 AM

im sure when u get outa school that'll take a little pain way.

I hated school so much, and all the people in it. Just think about it makes me wanna go to a very bad place again.
   
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Re: I feel like I'm dying slowly. Help. - March 3rd 2010, 09:15 AM

School was always my escape. But then again, when I was in high school, I had art classes. I don't have that now. Now, I've got classes in subjects I'm terrible at and a boss that hates everyone for no reason. I'm just hoping that the next two and a half months will go by quickly. That's when my sister and other roommate graduate, and thusly, move out. And then it'll be summer and I can do art to my heart's content and do whatever I want when I want. Oh, and my two best friends will be moving in with me over the summer for the next two years at least. I guess these past two school years have been like running a marathon for me, and I've hit my wall. I need to figure out how to push past the wall to finish the marathon.


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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