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-   -   Triggering (Suicide): All the time (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t38929-all-time/)

Beautiful Disaster March 6th 2010 08:06 PM

All the time
 
I can't stop thinking about it.. I don't want to and I know I shouldn't. I just don't think there is an alternative at the moment. I walk down the road.. Can't help but think "what would happen if I walked in front of this bus". It has been so close to happening too many times and I'm fed up of this now! I want to get out of it.. But how!? I need something to work towards but I can't seem to find anything. I have no life time ambitions, nothing to look forward to, no career I've always wanted to do.

Don't really know what you could reply to this thread.. Don't really know why i'm posting >.<

Whisperer March 6th 2010 11:08 PM

Re: All the time
 
Hey Anna,

Suicidal thoughts are definately a tough thing to get out of your mind. Sometimes you may need others help to get rid of them, and that's ok. Have you reached out to anyone in your life and let them know about these suicidal thoughts? When people realize how much you are really struggling, they are more likely to help you. It may be scary to tell people, but I'm sure it would work out for the best.

Since you don't have any ambitions or goals, make some! They don't have to be lifelong goals, maybe just for the week or something. Like mine would be something like "This week, I'll have atleast 1 friend over" or "Next week I'll go for a walk in the park" They don't have to be anything substantial, just to keep you going. If you can, plan something to look forward. Plan a day to go to a concert with friends or get tickets to see a movie the day it comes out. Little things that will make your week are the key. :) I know you'll find something. Hang in there, I'm always here if you want to talk.

Stay strong,
:hug:
Alessa

WillO'Wisp March 7th 2010 03:16 AM

Re: All the time
 
Anna, you are only 17, and I've felt this way at that age too. I went through depression at that exact age in fact, and I got through it, and I know you can too.
First off, do not even think about giving up or walking in front of a bus! Alot of people would mourn you and miss you to no stop, and even if you don't believe it, it's true.
I am 22, well almost in another month or so, and I still haven't had any job, just finished a novel but haven't had it published, and I don't really have alot going in my life but I change it, I have started studying a book to get my learners and I am going to start looking for a job soon. You will eventually start somewhere and then your dreams can come true when you least expect it, you just have to go for what you want/

Beautiful Disaster March 7th 2010 02:24 PM

Re: All the time
 
Thanks guys.. I can't tell people the extent of how I am feeling because they will have to tell someone (GP or parents) and I can't deal with that. I'm not strong enough to admit how I feel.

I'll try to think of things.. It's just like I feel I have no purpose, I don't know what I want to do, what is the reason for me being here? I just don't see the point right now. I kinda think I need someone to sit down with once a week to set goals or targets if you know what I mean? Then I think I'm more likely to stick with them.. But I don't know how I can do that with.

Anna

Whisperer March 7th 2010 03:46 PM

Re: All the time
 
Anna,

I know it's hard to let people know how you are feeling but maybe having your parents or grandparents know would be helpful? I know it can be scary but I think they would be willing to help you if they knew how you were really feeling. I think you are strong enough because you posted here, and that takes strength. :)

Think of all the people you have helped on this site. All the lives you've changed and the smiles you've put on people's faces. You do have a purpose, and I think it's helping others. :hug: See if you can sit down with a friend and make goals. They don't have to know the reason, just make it into a game or something. Even if you just blog about your goals, then WE can help you stick to them. :D We are always here for you, hang in there.

:hug:
Alessa

Beautiful Disaster March 7th 2010 04:36 PM

Re: All the time
 
I can't tell my grandparents.. They aren't well and none of them live close to us at all. I hate to hurt my mum, I will let her down if I tell her.. They would attempt helping but do it in completely the wrong way, like they did last time.

Thank you. :) I might try blogging them on here, not convinced anyone really reads my blog anyway :p

Anna

Whisperer March 7th 2010 06:47 PM

Re: All the time
 
Well if you'd like you can try to tell your mom and let her know how she can help you. Parents want to help but they don't always know how to. I don't think you'll be letting her down at all. Everyone has emotions and everyone has different issues they have to deal with, but it's not like you did anything wrong. Sounds good. I'll be the first then. :D

Beautiful Disaster March 7th 2010 08:26 PM

Re: All the time
 
Haha I've posted my goals for this week!
I really don't think I can tell her.. I don't want to ruin things again - our relationship is just alright at the moment and i'd rather keep it that way right now. Thank you :)

Anna

Whisperer March 7th 2010 08:40 PM

Re: All the time
 
Sounds good. Keep us updated. :)


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