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thisiscourtney Offline
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I don't feel like myself. - March 7th 2010, 05:28 AM

I've done everything to try and make myself happy and after months and months of trying, I know that the only way I'll ever get out of this is if I stop caring what other people think. I've successfully moved past caring what they think about how I look, but it's my actions that are really nagging at the back of my brain 24/7. Sometimes I like to pretend that there aren't any people around me except those that I know would never judge me for something I do, and those are the times that I'm most content. But then someone makes a comment, for example my sister just told me, "Don't take a year off before college. It's a stupid thing to do." I was planning on taking a year off. Now I feel like I can't because I'd get a lecture from her and I'd generally feel guilty about it. These feelings have in turn made me into a person I like to believe I'm really not. I've put up so many walls and lied a countless number of times just to see satisfaction on the faces of those around me. But the thing is, I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to stop and tell them that I've been faking who I am all of this time because that would make them think badly of me, and I just can't have that because I care too much of what people think. It's all a never-ending cycle of thoughts in my head.


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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MissMatched Offline
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Re: I don't feel like myself. - March 7th 2010, 05:38 AM

I totally understand, I had to same thing. It was horrible, and I dont know how it happened but suddenly one day Im like "Well, screw them!" Haha. You do feel really great when you can get past it.
I think the way to do it is start with small steps, do little things that make you happy that you normally wouldnt. People will generally be more accepting and happy with it than you think, and if not - they're not real friends and you dont need them anyway. Ive lost a couple of people I thought were friends, and yeah it hurts but ultimately it's better not to have them around you when they make you feel bad about who you are when you arent doing anything wrong.
   
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Re: I don't feel like myself. - March 7th 2010, 11:17 AM

Hey there Courtney,

It's good that you're trying to fight against all of those negative thoughts and emotions, that shows that you're very strong. However, I also understand how difficult it can be to fight against those 'nagging thoughts' and so the best thing to do is to try and release them, through something like writing, art or talking to someone - it's very beneficial to try and get them out.

It's extremely difficult to completely stop caring about what other people think - it's something that we all, naturally, care about. I'm sorry that what your sister said upset you. It's frustrating when someone is against your beliefs or what you want to do. However, just because your sister's view upon taking a year off college is different to yours, it doesn't mean she is right. Courtney, we often have to do what we think is good for ourselves, and if you want to take a year off, then do it. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to disagree with your sister and it's okay to voice your opinion. It's as important as anyone elses.

Take care.
   
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