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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Kella Offline
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scared - March 8th 2010, 09:55 PM

Hi,
I think im deppresed. I've been suffrering from symtoms of deppresion on and off for two and a half years, miagrains lack of appitite one minute then eating too much the next. Sleeping too much or too little, and lack of energy even when i sleep enough. I have random outbursts of fustration at nothing and always seem to want to hit my friends. At first i blamed it on thefact that my brother and i used to paly fight but now im realising it's because if i hit them they hit me back. Two years ago i had a shot burst of selfharm and ever since ive never been able to stop nipping bitting or burnning myslef when ever i can without being noticed. For along time i've been able to hide it from my parents and friends but know cracks are starting to apear. Im scared that when my parents find out they'll blame themselvews like last time.
Im scared of failling my parents as they ahve always wanted the best for me in school, but now my grades are falling because my head is all over.
Im paranoid, always wondering what others will think, and hidding behind "i dont care what people think of me" when really a friend calling me a 'pig' in joke makes me want to spew. I wont eat unless someone else is eating for fear of people looking at me.
My ex- boyfriend who was my first serious boyfriend pinned me by the neck, (a fear of mine as both my mum ans sister have been in abusive relationships) and soon after i couldn't even bare to be around him without another person there. When i ended the relationship i was blamed for his depresion, as i didnt make an effort int the ralationship. Now i strugle to trust men, and always think when im going anywhere with a man (other that my father or brother) if im going to be safe. I dont hate my ex but everytime i hear a song he liked or i see his house i feel sick and have to move a way/turn it off.
My friends are noticing my behaviour and i want to go to the doctors but i dont want to make excuses or hide behind imaganary problems so i dont go.
sorry for the rant
   
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Re: scared - March 9th 2010, 04:41 PM

Hey Kella,

Well done for posting and reaching out to us, that was a very brave thing to do. Firstly, I really think you should go to the doctors. They will be able to tell you if it really is depression - or refer you to someone else who can. That way, you can start to get the help you need and deserve. You don't want to feel like this forever, and you won't.

I think you should talk to someone about what happened with your ex, get it off your chest. It will probably make you feel better and slightly less burdened. I think your parents would rather you were safe, not scared of telling them. They might blame themselves, but they aren't the first parents to do that. Mine blamed themselves at first. Soon though, they will move past that and then they will want to help you in any way possible. They will be there to support you.

It sounds like you have a lot of emotions going round in your head. Have you ever tried a mood diary? Whenever you feel you can do it, just scribble down how you are feeling and why if you can figure it out. It can be a great release and almost relieve some of the burdens.

Here for you anytime,
Take care.
Anna
   
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Kella Offline
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Re: scared - March 9th 2010, 08:44 PM

thank you anna
I might try and get a doctors appointment but im worried i'll look like im making excuses... I know my problems are miniscule compaired with other peoples.
   
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Re: scared - March 10th 2010, 01:45 PM

Hey,

I feel the same way. But it doesn't matter how small your problems are or how small you think they are, you still don't deserve to be feeling like this! If you go and see what they say, you don't have to tell people that you are going.

Take care.
Anna
   
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Kella Offline
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Re: scared - March 10th 2010, 10:17 PM

thanks hopefuly my mum wont find out if i go:S
   
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Re: scared - March 11th 2010, 10:59 AM

Your problems aren't imaginary many people go through what u have. If u feel you should go to the doctor they will be able to help.
   
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Re: scared - March 11th 2010, 06:44 PM

The only way she should find out is if you tell her. Cos now your 16 its slightly different and they don't have to be told everything.

Take care.
Anna
   
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Re: scared - March 12th 2010, 12:32 AM

If your head is all over then you need to take control of it.
You really have to take control of those fears and just remove them from yourself. You have to stop being fragile the way you are because you shouldn't be afraid.
Now about that guy who hurt you, forget him and you did the right thing.

And by the way, don't hide behind the thought that you don't care what people think ; just don't care and go on with life. But you also have to stop being so fragile, you have to be strong and courageous. So make it a point to be that. And the way you do that is by actually setting your heart to be courageous as much as you can / and actually trying.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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