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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
roe Offline
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Name: Taylor
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Exclamation No future? - March 12th 2010, 01:39 AM

So I've been out of school for almost a year now. I was hospitalized in early January for depression and SH, but ever since then I think I've been generally OK.
But I'm always thinking about the future, and how I think I won't live past 18. Or younger. Death is almost all I think about. I've fantasized about how people would react when they found me, or at my funeral. and I'd tell my counselor, but I honestly don't know how.
I just see all these people living their lives, going on dates, and being teenagers. Then, here's me: sitting on my ass all day long.
I am already on medication. 150mg of Sertraline and 2mg of Risperidone.
I just don't know what to do.

I am terribly, terribly sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I'm just a bit frustrated, is all.

Last edited by roe; March 12th 2010 at 02:21 AM. Reason: a little more i wanted to say.
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: No future? - March 13th 2010, 12:16 AM

Well, is there something you feel you want to do ? Would you like to experience life ?
Would you like to wake up and go to school ? Would you like to wake up on a sunday and have an assignment due the next day ? And why do you think you won't live past 18 ? Why ? Unless you talked to death and he told you then forget about such thoughts and live your life ?

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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Re: No future? - March 13th 2010, 10:30 PM

Hey Taylor,

I hope by posting it has been some sort of relief to let your feelings out - sometimes that can help.

I think if you can that you should tell your counsellor - she can't help you the best unless she knows everything that is going on. If you don't feel you can tell her or you can't explain it, could you try writing it down and just handing it to her?

Is there anything you can find to do with your time? What hobbies do you have? Could you start a new one, or start a club (sports or social) and meet some friends through that? It will also keep you busy and perhaps distract you a bit more from these awful feelings.

I know from experience that it is horrible to feel the way you do. But the fact you posted and that you are seeing a counsellor shows how strong you are and that you can beat this! I believe in you, try to believe in yourself Taylor. We are all here for you.

PM me if you ever need a chat.
Take care.
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Em... Offline
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Re: No future? - March 13th 2010, 10:47 PM

Hello Taylor,
I'm so happy that you came here to talk about this problem. I'd first like to say that you're not alone in this. I know it's cliché but it's the truth. I was once in your situation. I thought forever that I was never going to live to be 18 years of age, and here I am now, going to be 19 in September. There is hope out there for you. Trust me on this.

Depression hurts and I surely hope that by posting you feel the slightest bit better. I know how depression makes you feel a lot of things at once. Considering you're on medication already, have you ever talked to you psychiatrist about how you've been feeling? I know it's hard to open up to someone like that, when he or she has the power to tell the information to parents, but it is certainly for the best. I think you should really consider this option.
If you would rather not consider something like that, try calling a hotline and talking to someone there about what you're feeling. I have done it and find it useful, but it's different for everybody, it's still wise to check it out, it never hurts to try. Remember about LiveHelp here too. The staff here are excellent and won't mind helping you out. So try talking here too.
Another thing which might help, is trying to distract yourself from these thoughts. I find colouring a good outlet for me. There are several different things you can do, so try something out. You could also join a club or sport. Sometimes being engaged with others they can bring your attitude and outlook on life up. I know there's something out there for you, so give it a try.
Taylor, it's important to remember that there is always help out there. It's up to you to find that help and use it. Even if that means going to the hospital again. I know that's a scary thought, but there are people all around willing to help you. Maybe even talking to your parents could be an option.
Any way, I truly hope that this helped some. Please don't hesitate to ask for help. Hold your head high.
Take care,
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