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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pine Offline
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I can't stop feeling like this.. - March 13th 2010, 05:29 AM

This post is probably gonna be long and ramble-ish, so excuse me for that.

I don't know why, but I think I'm depressed. Not " I feel depressed!", not upset, just.. something so much different. Like this.. entire numbness when I'm alone. I can't my emotions, and I just feel.. suppressed and sad. I've been upset before, trust me. But this... is like another feeling.

I have a wonderful girlfriend, but she lives long distance, and about two months ago these feelings really started. At first, I was terrified that I was losing interest in her, because I couldn't feel.. her love when I was alone. But when I am I talking to her..all the things I say...I really mean it. So I really hope it's not her, but I don't think it is... she's the one that can make me smile.

Why am I having these depressing feelings? I really don't think there is a set reason. Way too much stress? I've been betrayed by someone who I used to call my best friend also recently, and she hurt me and my girlfriend. I also absolutely, and positively HATE seeing teenagers that hang out at the mall and are happy in little groups. It makes me feel so alone.. so isolated. I'm bisexual, and have a freaking girlfriend I met over the internet. I really don't have anyone I can connect with in RL, except for one person. And I'm still completely closeted. I'm doing poorly in math, and always tired. I hate school... just hate everything.

Either way, I haven't told anyone about these feelings-- even my girlfriend. I dunno, I'm scared she's gonna blow it off because of what we've been through together. (dealing with three suicidal people in four moths is not too much fun, especially when one of them is your girlfriend and one of the other is your best friend) My girlfriend is completely fine now.. but I dunno.

But whenever I'm alone I just have these.. hopeless thoughts over and over. I can't stop them, and they eat at me until I break down crying. The future SCARES me to death. The littlest thing can get me upset, and then I'm down until someone picks me back up.

So can anyone identify? Any advice would be appreciated... feels really crappy. :/ <3


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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Re: I can't stop feeling like this.. - March 13th 2010, 10:21 PM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening, no one deserves this. Put you have posted and that shows you want help - I believe you are strong enough to get it.

If you don't feel like you can talk to your girlfriend, how about a doctor, youth leader, teacher, parent? Any responsible adult around you who you trust. If you think it could be depression, I advise that you go and talk to your doctor. They will be able to help or refer you to someone who can, then you can get the help you need and so much deserve.

In terms of your maths, have you tried talking to the teacher and telling them about it? That way they may be able to provide you with some extra support within the class and could potentially make life easier for you.

Do you have some kind of release? It sounds to me like you are keeping all your emotions bottled up right now and it isn't healthy. You could try things like writing, drawing, having a pillow fight with a wall to let your deepest feelings out. Exercise is a good one as well, it releases the "happy" hormone that can lift your mood and you can really let your frustrations out.

PM me if you ever need anything,
Take care.
Anna
   
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Re: I can't stop feeling like this.. - March 23rd 2010, 01:36 AM

I still would appreciate some advice, for everything is getting worse..

My girlfriend is smart and pinpointed me venting anonymously. :/ So she knows about the feelings now.. friday night I felt terrible. I went to my school's production of FAME, and during the love scenes I felt sick and dead inside. I want to be with my girlfriend so badly. I want that love and affection by physical contact by someone, SOMEBODY. She understands but it's not enough.. I made her upset last night by whining. >> I HATE the people who whine about their life for no reason. And look, I'm becoming that person.

I just feel so dead and alone. My god, I can't even describe the feeling. I feel like I'm losing my bond with my girlfriend because of my own depressing thoughts. Every doubt leads to her, and everything that I find happy. I can't be happy, it's like every depressing thought and doubt eats me up if I try.

I'm scared for my girlfriend, scared for myself, and just..scared.

All I want to do is sleep.. and not wake up. .__.

/ventish..


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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Re: I can't stop feeling like this.. - March 23rd 2010, 01:54 AM

I don't no what to say I also feel exactly the same way as you do. You should try talking to someone. Open up to your girlfriend she is their to listen. At least you have someone to talk to I don't, but your not alone i feel your pain I am also going through the same if you ever need to talk you can PM me.
   
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survivor. :)
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Name: Anna
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Re: I can't stop feeling like this.. - March 23rd 2010, 09:22 PM

If you don't want to "whine" to your girlfriend, then how about creating a blog? Either in a journal or online - I know http://www.blogspot.com is a good one, not sure about any others - and venting all your thoughts and feelings in there? You don't have to let anyone else know about it, keep it to yourself if you would rather. But they can be good for having a good old rant and it can help lift a burden on your shoulders when you aren't feeling good about things. Also writing them down can help you see them better and help you work to tackle on them and work out why you are feeling like that.

As for your girlfriend, if she has seen your post she knows a bit about how you are feeling. Could you explain how you are feeling at the moment or just let her know you are going through a hard time? She may be a little more wary about it and not be so harsh. Also, she will probably offer some support to you and that would be worth it yeah?

I honestly think it would be worth you talking to a responsible adult about this. You really don't deserve to feel like you do and you have reached out to us showing you want to get help. I believe you are strong enough to reach out and if you have your girlfriend's backing it will be even better, right?

Take care.
Anna




You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
   
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