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Alaskan Offline
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I know I want to, but Im scared - March 14th 2010, 01:34 AM

I have been depressed for 3-4 years.. since the beginning of highschool. When highschool started I was a really happy person, until my parents divorced. My parents divorced and my family split. When that happened there was a lot of fighting, abuse, sadness.. for 2 years. I kept to myself, and even failed my first year of high school (which im now doing those courses still) and I became known as the freak quiet girl in school. Im in gr.12 right now.. and ive had no friends for 3-4 years. I lost my friends from being quiet and depressed. I don't do anything at all, and im bored all the time.. i barely go out.. i don't 'live' at all. I don't have a life.
My parents dont help at all.. my mom is depressed and she yells at me all the time, says Im worthless.. tells me to move to my dads. I feel like when I get older im going to be a failure i dont want to be one.. i try so hard, i want to actually have a life.. but i can't find that starting point..

i don't want to die alone.
by the way im 17.. i don't even celebrate birthdays anymore.
   
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Re: I know I want to, but Im scared - March 14th 2010, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alaskan View Post
I have been depressed for 3-4 years.. since the beginning of highschool. When highschool started I was a really happy person, until my parents divorced. My parents divorced and my family split. When that happened there was a lot of fighting, abuse, sadness.. for 2 years. I kept to myself, and even failed my first year of high school (which im now doing those courses still) and I became known as the freak quiet girl in school. Im in gr.12 right now.. and ive had no friends for 3-4 years. I lost my friends from being quiet and depressed. I don't do anything at all, and im bored all the time.. i barely go out.. i don't 'live' at all. I don't have a life.
My parents dont help at all.. my mom is depressed and she yells at me all the time, says Im worthless.. tells me to move to my dads. I feel like when I get older im going to be a failure i dont want to be one.. i try so hard, i want to actually have a life.. but i can't find that starting point..

i don't want to die alone.
by the way im 17.. i don't even celebrate birthdays anymore.
It really does sound like life's been tough on you because of the split between your parents. And hey, there's always someone there to reach out to and who will respond, just so you know. I know what that's like for high school - I had a similar experience being practically locked up in my room all day with the curtains closed and not living very much at all. I never spoke a word to anyone at school and was singled out as well for one thing or another.

I really don't think because of this you'll be a failure for the rest of your life. These things happen and they're really hard to accept. You had a bad start in high school but colleges don't normally weight so much importance on your performance of your freshman year unless you want to study at Yale or something. You can still get into your state schools if all else looks bleak and lost with your studies at high school. Also, junior college is a great way to make-up for your grades. It's like wiping the slate clean and giving you a fresh start where you can really apply yourself and be a stellar transfer student. Only buffoons look down on community colleges these days.

A life is still obtainable by all means and I've seen people in much worse circumstances pull ahead. That means you can too.

You can try reaching out to people and if your mom's consistently egging you to move in with dad, you might want to take her offer to salvage some hope from all that stuff she's trying to put on you. Anyway, you can shoot me a PM or whatever if you want to talk some more.
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Re: I know I want to, but Im scared - March 14th 2010, 01:44 PM

Mya.
Ill agree with what CalDud said. He is right. Just failing your freshman year wont do a lot. hey i did too. but what happenes afterwards is more important. Also going to a community college would be a great idea. It will get all your general classes done at a cheaper cost so when you get to your state college level you can go straight to your needed classes for your major.

And if your mom is really like this go live with your dad. Living with him could make you feel a lot better.

And I want you to remember something that helped me when i was down and didnt want to go on. "no matter how crappy you feel, how bad your day was, or how hard it seems to keep going, you've changed at least one person's life, and would ruin at least one if you gave up"
   
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