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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
Emotionally Unstable
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Name: Lea
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 403
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Why is it that me and depression 'get on' so well? - March 14th 2010, 09:27 PM

Why is it that me and depression 'get on' so well?
Why is it that me and self harm 'fit'?
Why does nothing else?

I just dont understand.
'Snap out of it' Why can i do this? what cant i do what people keep saying, and just 'snap out of it'

Instead its getting worse...despite the medication and everything
Last night i was a complete wreck.
Sitting with my Mum, and i just started crying...i couldnt stop
Couldnt control it, couldnt help all these negative feelings, i just felt so stupid and ridiculas.
My mum told me to sit with her, but still i couldnt help it, just crying and crying
I dont know what to do.

Today i said to my Mum how much i love her
And that no matter what happens she needs to know how much i love her
why did i say that?
It makes it seem like im saying goodbye.
And to be honest maybe i was

Everythings all getting to much, really

I dont want to keep going anymore

'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy

This depression is a killer...
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
survivor. :)
I've been here a while
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Name: Anna
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
Blog Entries: 122
Join Date: February 18th 2010

Re: Why is it that me and depression 'get on' so well? - March 14th 2010, 10:16 PM

Lea you are so strong! The fact you are posting shows you are reaching out for help, and you sat with your mother - that was brave. I really think you should talk to your therapist about how you are feeling and all of it, that way she will be able to help you best. You have to stay strong and believe you can do this, I believe you can. You have come so far and you can keep going. It isn't a case of "snapping out" of it but I think you can get out of it. It takes time, but hold on to the future.

Keep fighting!
Take care.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
I've been here a while
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Name: Ghost
Age: 30
Gender: Duderino
Location: Galaxy 5-0-0

Posts: 1,045
Join Date: January 16th 2010

Re: Why is it that me and depression 'get on' so well? - March 15th 2010, 06:32 AM

Hey Lea,

I'm really sorry you've had to go through all this for so long, it takes a lot of strength and courage to keep fighting and I wish there was something I could do to help.
Unfortunately, depression just doesn't seem to be something you can "snap out of." I see it as a positive feeback/downward spiral situation -- you (in the general sense) get worse until you hit rock bottom, at which point an escape like SH can raise your mood to the point where you can function again. I don't know much about your specific situation, is there anything/anyone in particular that either worsens your depression or alleviates it? For me, living at school causes me to feel incredibly alone and overwhelming sad, which leads to anger, numbness, and emptiness. When I leave, I feel like I regain the strength to carry on, though I still feel drained. Depression can be a "comfort zone," though the feeling is never really "comfortable," it can be a way of avoiding fears without guilt or full consciousness of avoidance. Sometimes, it takes a drastic change to overcome these feelings; to escape your past and start again. Sometimes a fresh start doesn't help, sometimes the pressure builds again, the pain returns, but I tend to think its worth a try.

Let me know if there's anything I can do,
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