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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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... - March 15th 2010, 10:02 PM

I don't know... Things aren't getting any better for me, I'm stuck in a rut, and I found out that my friend, the one who understands a fair bit of what I go through in my mind and stuff, he said he couldn't handle helping me with my problems.

I feel if I got out of this shithole fucking town, I'd have a better chance at getting somewhere. I've most likely got at least a couple mental health issues, there is a long story as to why I can't confide in my family, and if I got into the city, I could get those problems taken care of. But I can't get enough money, not even from welfare, to make it on my own. And I don't think I could handle things like bills on my own. Paperwork stresses me out. But I also don't have anyone I could move with. The friend mentioned above, I was thinking of moving into a place with him, but he said he wouldn't be able to handle it, because he'd stress, I'd stress, so on, so forth.

Of course, now I feel more hopeless than I initially did, and the fact that I keep applying for jobs and getting turned down is not helping. I graduated college, and got my welding tickets, yet can't even get hired at a McDonalds. And before anyone gives me this recession bullshit, everyone else I've known to look for work has found it, EXCEPT FOR me. So it's not the fucking recession, its a problem with me.

I really do feel like I'd be better off dead. I mean, I'm nothing but a financial burden. Can't find work, can't find a place to live, I can't do anything right. Hell, I don't see any downside to at least trying to die. Either A) I die, problems are gone. or B) I don't die, I get the mental health help it seems I need. I really don't see a losing side to it.

However, I told that friend mentioned above, who also claims things like he wants to be with me and stuff, how I felt. About everything. I wrote a ridiculously long message to him. It calmed me down some, really. I just hope he logs on Facebook and responds to it ASAP. Every moment I wait for a response is going to make me wonder if hes just decided he doesn't want to talk to me ever again.

I'm still contemplating suicide, thinking of different methods. I don't know.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ... - March 15th 2010, 11:22 PM

Hey Julz,
How are you doing today? I'm happy that you've posted this here. I think it's important to get help when needed. The fact that you've posted this shows that you still want help, and you're not giving up yet. I think that's awesome.

Now, as cliché as it is, it's still true, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." What ever problem you are going through, it WILL pass, it's not life long I'm sure. You'll get past this, and then feel better about life, but while it lingers you need to keep in mind that it will go away, and that you just have to stay strong for the time being.

I would like for you to read this website: [http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ ] This is a site I refer many people to. It's a blog blurb that gives a unique perspective of why living is great and that suicide is not the answer. It's an interesting site, and I think you will like it a lot, please give it a look. It really won't harm anything.

Remember if you are feeling suicidal you do have options. There are places such as the MHA (mental health association) that has counselling services and you pay based on how much income you make. If you do have a MHA near you or a NAMI (national alliance of mental illness) they provide services for people in need, and I think you could really benefit from going to one of these place's to get help.

There other people you can talk to if you are feeling suicidal. Do not underestimate the amount of help you'll get from calling a hotline. Suicide hotlines are staffed with professional counsellors who are willing to listen to you. So don't be afraid to call one if you're in need.
Besides hotlines there are also other people you can talk to such as different members here on TH, you can talk to a religious leader, an extended family member, or even another friend. The resources are there, you just need to take advantage of them.

Now, Julz, as far as your friend goes, I'm so sorry you're losing him. I've been in the exact same situation here, and my reactions almost ended my life, and I don't want that to happen to you. Friends come and go, and as great as it would be to keep him as a person to confide in, truth is, he won't always be there. It's unfortunate and a scary thought, but you just need to fight through this. You're not alone without him, you have us at TH, and plenty more people who certainly care about you. Just stay strong please, this can be a hard time.

Julz, you are NOT the problem when it comes to getting a job. I won't blame it on the economy, but you are certainly on the problem either. You seem like a capable person to get things done, you just need to be persistent. Keep in mind what you're trying to achieve by getting a job: enough money to get out of the city you live in, gather money to get mental health help, etc etc. Keep your goal in mind. You can find a job I'm sure. Just keep at it.

For those who are suicidal, they don't really see the point of living or don't have anything to live for. If this sounds like how you're feeling I think you should try this: set a goal. Set up some goal, long term, short term, etc etc, and try to achieve them. It's better to start off with short term goals such as reading a book in a week, or running a mile without stopping. If you can complete some of these goals, you will feel more accomplished and feel like life is worth living again because you realise you are able of getting things done. Write these goals down and as you get them done you can cross them off, and you'll be able to see just how much you can really do, and feel important again.

Julz, you are an important person. Please don't give up on hope. You have so much to live for, even if you don't see it now, it's true. I really hope this helped, and don't hesitate to PM me, I'll always listen. Please take care of yourself.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ... - March 15th 2010, 11:23 PM

I suggest going to a doctor...
I mean if you show up at where the doctors,
and tell them that your feeling suicidal,
they WILL NOT turn you away.
Then possibly you can get the help you need.
But I can promise you that no matter how you feel,
the world would NOT be better without you.
You are special.
There is no one in this world quite like you.
Don't give up hope,
You just gotta get through this,
I know it's hard, but you can do it.
And one day you'll be glad you did.
I promise.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ... - March 16th 2010, 02:31 AM

Yeah, uhm, neither of you apparently noticed the lack of access to resources. I guess I'll be more specific.

I live in a small town, I don't drive. My doctor is out-of-town, and the CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association) is stationed in two different cities around me, none I can get access to.

Bah, easy to tell me to keep working at it to get a job. I'm ALWAYS working at it! I've applied to McDonalds three times, I've applied to welding places in the area twice, both times they were hiring. I keep fucking trying, with no results. My goal is to GET OUT OF THIS SHIT PLACE, and I can't do that.

No point in trying to explain here, because apparently everyone knows so much more than me, I'm a fucking idiot. Everybody acts as if they KNOW how hard I try. I guess I'm ridiculously fucking stupid.

Ugh, telling me I'm special, I'm not special. I'm part of the useless shit dragging this planet down. I'm a financial burden to my family, and an emotional burden to my friends.
   
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Re: ... - March 18th 2010, 06:37 AM

Well now we know ^^
How is your situation? Still the same?
I know it's tough, but keep trying! I'm in a similar situation, at least in the job department, but I'm holding out hope for both of us, especially you. And now you'll say you are trying, and I have no idea. Please don't think of it that way. Trust me, I'm a major financial burden. I'm actually still in college, and I'm not exactly part of a rich family. Even the part of my tuition that's being absorbed by student loans has become a huge burden to my family (and they let me know it, too). Plus, I may have failed finals recently, ewhich makes me feel ven worse about the money I really am wasting. But I'd rather not see both of us get depressed about this kind of stuff. All I am saying is that if you are in such a sucky situation, if you really want to get out, then you have to keep trying. What else can you do?
If I lived near you, maybe we could hang out, I could pick you up and you could live with me when I get an apartment next year. Unfortunately, I'm in southern california, which makes that plan slightly difficult. So it's all you can do, right?
And please don't say killing yourself. Just by learning something about you, I already care about you. And I'm sure your friend cares even more. It's not worth it. If you succeed or if you failed, the ending won't be a good one.

Has the situation changed at all?
Has your friend responded yet? How has he reacted?

Update us. But please, please don't try anything.

You're not a burden. Just because you rely on other people doesn't make you useless. You graduated college. Obviously you can get shit done. And hey, when everything comes together it'll feel that much better.
So how has it been this last few days?
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: ... - March 18th 2010, 08:09 PM

Hrm, well I'm not in the mood I was the other day.
And yeah, I keep trying, and keep getting nowhere with the work world. I applied for a job that I am qualified for, in the trade I went to college to get certified in, and still haven't heard anything back. In fact, I applied Friday, and they still have the job ad up almost a week later.
Although as far as my friend goes, he wasn't mad at me. He felt sad that he can't help me, and I think he was close to crying, when he was telling me 'suicide is not the answer'. Meh, the conversation got more cheery, I felt better, then I felt bad again after talking to my other friend, long story. I ended up SHing, I will admit. But the next day, well, I was in quite a weird, silly mood. And ended up hanging out with my one friend who had a bad previous day too.
Your false reassurance really doesn't help, though. Just, don't fake sincerity. I'd rather you tell me I'm a useless piece of shit who deserves to die than to say things about caring about me, when you know nothing about me. Say you'd hang out with me, when you have no idea of who I am or what my interests are. I'd rather you tell me the truth, no matter how heartless, horrible, demeaning, etc. it is than have you telling me lies.
Meh, I'm not gonna kill myself right now. In the future, who knows? For now though, I think I'll be alright, mostly.
   
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