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Crisis - March 16th 2010, 04:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a friend who is suicidal, whom I care for very much. However I have made a very poor decision, I recognized that he needs professional help, but I decided to postpone forcing it upon him. I did this because he's going to visit his sister for spring break, and I feared that if I went to my school counselor and alerted him to the situation, Matt wouldn't be able to go, due to his parents being informed and finding him an outlet for counseling. I thought this disappointment might be triggering, so I decided I'd do it first day back from spring break. The crisis enters here, some little *expletive* decided to pose as his friend on facebook, and presumably found out about some of his sexual preference confusion. Now little *expletive* is threatening to blackmail him, and he feels his only solution is to kill himself after returning from visiting his sister. I feel like an absolute failure for putting this off, as in all honesty I did so partially for my own comfort. Now I don't know what my best course of action is, I don't know if I wait until he isn't home and go speak to his parents directly, or what... What would you suggest as a crisis aversion method in this situation? (P.S. He leaves for L.A. in 6 days.)
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Re: Crisis - March 16th 2010, 05:39 PM

Hey there.

I'm really sorry that you are in such a tough situation. But I do not think it is your fault that he is now suicidal. You choose to wait for his comfort which was incredibly nice of you. You knew he wanted to visit his sister and you didn't want to get in the way of that. It seems to me like your a great friend. You should not feel like this is, in any way your fault. You had no idea this person was going to do this and blackmail him. Do not blame yourself for not knowing the future.

Now. I think the best thing you can do is keep being there for him. Keep reassuring him that suicide is not the answer. There are ways around this. Now, I don't know your friend but, is there no way he can tell people he is confused? It truly is okay to be confused. Tons of people get confused when they are teenagers. It is okay to be gay, bi, straight, whatever he wants to be. You should try and convince him of that. Convince him its okay to be who he wants! Then, this person who is blackmailing him will have no leverage.

As for telling his parents. I don't think it is a bad idea. I think you need to tell someone and get help. You are only 16 and to have someone elses life in your hands is a pretty big weight to carry. I think it may be a good idea to go over and talk to his parents before he comes home. Then, if possible, be there when he does get home. Sit down with him and his parents and talk things over. Try and get your friend to come to terms with what is happening in his life. It seems that there is obviously more going on then just his confusion. Getting him into therapy would be a great step! If he truly has plans to follow through with this suicide ideations, then his family might consider bringing him to a psych hospital or center. There he can get 24 hour care and see psychiatrists and therapists and be around people who might be going through the same sorts of problems. It may help him to feel he is not alone.

So, my recommendation:
Talk to him. Keep trying to convince him that its okay to be who he is. Keep telling him that suicide is forever, this blackmailing person is not. Things get better. Things change.
Talk to his parents. Inform them of the situation. Make sure they understand how serious it is. You don't need to carry this weight alone!
Talk to a friend. Perferably someone who doesn't know this friend you are talking about here. Have an outlet. This will probably not be such an easy road to travel down so it will be good for you to have someone else to talk to. 3rd party sort of person.

And again. Great job reaching out. You seem like an awesome friend. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Keep your head up. Things will get better with him.

Take care and PM me anytime!

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On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

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Re: Crisis - March 17th 2010, 03:03 AM

I do try to convince him that it's okay to have any sort of sexual preference, but he feels the need to reject it. Another issue, is that his family is quite Christian, and the kind of Christian that doesn't condone homosexuality, so he does not want his parents to know... ever
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Re: Crisis - March 20th 2010, 04:53 PM

Ok then. First off, ensure him to have a good spring break. Good for you to let him have a nice break.
Now onto the first issue, that person who is blackmailing him : Don't give in to any demands. Don't. Such people are just bad and you shouldn't let your friend be controlled by that person. Ok ? So you forget about that person. Tell him/her that you won't give in, its not their business they should mind their own life and go on with your life and tell your friend to go on with his. Tell him not to be afraid.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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