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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Palmolive Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jessie
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Dying, to die. - March 17th 2010, 11:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was in hospital for four days around the weekend. Why? I overdosed. I took some pills. Ended up in a right state and was put on a drip. I was scared. I was laid there with needles being stuck into me, a drip in my arm, heart monitors stuck to my chest and not being able to breathe, so i was given oxygen which knocked me out ten mintues after. And before i was kocked out, i thought to myself, never again.

Apart from that thought lasted for a few minutes. Now all i can think about is killing myself. All i can think about is taking more pills, jumping of the edge, and cutting a little to deep.

Its not just about escaping from my feelings, the past and my thoughts. But i actually want to die. I never ever thought anyone could truly want to die, until a few weeks ago. I used to say i wanted to die, but now i realize i didnt. But now its to late to realize that, because now its all different and now i want to die.

And im scared. Im scared of myself. Scared if what i am capable of. Scared of how badly i have lost control. Scared of the nightmares. Scared of the cutting. Scared of tyhe purging. Scared of the burning. Scared of me. Im scared of me.

Because all it comes to at the end of the day, is wanting to die.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Whisperer Offline
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I've been here a while
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Re: Dying, to die. - March 17th 2010, 11:57 PM

Hey Jessica,
Sorry to hear you're going through a lot right now. But I'm really glad you are still here. I think part of what will help you is realizing WHY you want to die and how to fix that. It's okay to want to, but it's not okay to actually try to. Because we love you and care about you and want you around! You always help me when I'm feeling down and now it's my turn to help you. Don't be afraid to tell people you are afraid of youself. Let people know you want to try again. Because then they will help you! Sometimes life comes fast and we need help from other people to slow it down and realize what living is all about. And that's okay. It's okay to need a shoulder to lean on or an extra friend to talk to. I think you just need to find a reason to live. Whether it's one friend that needs you by their side, or a cat that always needs to sit on your lap. If you can't live for yourself, live for someone else. I know it may seem impossible Jessie, but things are going to get easier, I promise you. So please don't give up, I love you. I'm always here if you want to talk. ALWAYS.
Stay strong,

Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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