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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
The Kira Offline
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Angry I WANT TO DO IT - March 18th 2010, 10:21 PM

This september i started a new school. Before that I was suicidal and then something happened. Something just happened. I'm not sure what it was, but it made me happy. I never cut once. I just stoped it. For months. And I was so happy.

But now my life is just a pile of shit again. I hate my life. All I ever do is sit in my room and write my poetry. I just really hate my life. My grandparents are accos the globe and my uncle is driving them crazy. He is an alcoholic, he steals things out of the house, sells them and uses the money to get alcohol. They say he was once on marijuana but I dont belive that someine can just quit drugs. I cry into my pillow every night thinking about my grandparents. They are the closest thing in the world to me and I cant stand to think about them like that.

My mother and stepfather dont care about me. When my mom is angry, she emotionaly abuses me. When my stepfather is angry with me, he does not tell me. He yells at my mother for it. Why cant he just tell me? All he ever does is correct me. Even if i sat at the "wrong" chair at the dinner table, he tells me to get up and sit in "my place".
I FUCKIN HATE BOTH OF THEM!
They dont like the music i listen to, they dont like the way I dress, they dont like my friends, they dont like me dating, they dont like "who i am becoming"
they say that I never do shit around the house. THEN WHO THE FUCK DOES? I'm tired of them putting me down all the time. Their oppinion of sorry is giving me money. I hate both of them!

I want to FUCKIN DIE! No one at school likes me. They call me a freak, a creepo, a scarecrow, a black widdow... I write poetry about all my schoolmates dying a bloody and awful death and I enjoy it! Not even my friends like me anymore. They say I sould "come out of my shell"! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

I'm sick of everyone trying to change me. [Edited] I wish they all knew ITS ALL THEIR FAULT!!!

My boyfriend said if i go, he will too. I dont want him to. i went to my school psycolegist. And I asked her if she can give me a one hundred percent garantee that she wont tell my parents. She said it is her duty to alarm them if something is wrong. I told her that I wont waste my time then and left. She called for me from the office and the whole class laughed whwn they said "melody to the phycoligyst's office" I was so mad that I went to my locker, got my stuff and left school. They called my parents and now my mom and step are putting me dow again.

[Edited]


Stay forever lovely

Last edited by Whisperer; March 18th 2010 at 11:32 PM. Reason: Good-bye post and marked as triggering
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
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Re: I AM GONNA DO IT - March 18th 2010, 11:31 PM

Hey Melody,
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now. I have edited your thread to fit the Depression and Suicide Guidlines because we would never be okay with you leaving us, we really do care about you! Don't be afraid to talk to your school phycologist, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has rough times and you can get through this! I know it may be embaressing but it's okay to tell your parents. That way you can get help from other people. They just want to help you, not hurt you. Tell them how you are feeling so they can help you feel better. I know it's scary to reach out, but suicide is not the answer. Your parents will still be very hurt because they do care about you. And we care about you and we would be hurt, stay strong Melody. I'm always here if you want to talk.
Hang in there,

Alessa


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Re: I WANT TO DO IT - March 19th 2010, 12:20 AM

man sounds like another me parents just do not have a clue that they only make things worst and not better and talking to school counselor don't make things better either I can tell you that writing poetry is a very good what to express yourself and maybe it could do you some good to find someone to talk to
   
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Re: I WANT TO DO IT - March 19th 2010, 04:57 PM

hey hun! don't give up hope... really, you might think hope is a cheesy concept but it's one that gives people strength to carry on towards a light that exists at the end of the tunnel (even if u can't see it where you are now)
as u said, you managed to stop cutting for awhile, was happy and contented for awhile.... remember how that feel? and i want to tell you that it's possible to be away from all your thoughts and stuff now.
hmmm i think u can tell your psychologist that your parents don't care? then maybe she'd realise that telling them may worsen the situation. don't just put her down immediately, but give her a chance to understand what's going on. and she wouldn't tell your parents everything you told her, but if you're suicidal and she thinks you're going to kill yourself, she has to tell your parents because they're at home and can stop you from doing that. you've to understand that it's supposed to help you and not to intrude your privacy. i used to see this counsellor, and on my first visit, i was really so so afraid that they'd tell my parents. although i talked about how i cut myself and stuff, she didn't tell my parents. i think she'd judge if ur life is in danger?
and yea i think people are disturbed if u write about how u want to kill them... maybe try at least keeping them to yourself? because i think to have friends, you have to be a friend yourself, and that means considering their feelings. maybe you see no point in that, but trust me, having a social circle can really help you see the brighter side of things more effortlessly.
take care and good luck!



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the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: I WANT TO DO IT - March 20th 2010, 05:51 PM

I do keep my poetry to myself and I dont let anyone see it. The school psycoligest said that she has to tell my parents the things i say. I told her she is a fuckin liar and no, she does not have to. And she was like, why dont you sit down and tell me what brought you to this state. And I asked her what state exacly and she couldnt answer me. So i left her office again. Now everyone thinks I'm a psycopath because they called for me from the office to see the psycoligest. She embarresed me...


Stay forever lovely
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Re: I WANT TO DO IT - March 20th 2010, 09:44 PM

Maybe it's a good thing your parents know what you are going through? Then they can get you help so you can feel better. I know it can be embaressing but people don't think you are a psycopath. Even though you may not know it, there are tons of kids that go to the phycologist at your school. If no one went to her, she wouldn't still work there! You can even tell her how it embaressed you so you'd rather not get called down. I'm sure she'd be very understsanding.


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Re: I WANT TO DO IT - March 20th 2010, 09:55 PM

Ok, if you don't mind, how is it that you dress, what music do you listen to that makes your parents say those things ? Do you hate them because of what they say concerning the music you listen to or the way you dress ? Do you hate them because they give you money when they hurt you ? It could be that they don't know what to do or how to do something. But you can't say that you hate them because they are trying to look out for you. But from what I have read, it seems your parents aren't bad people. You need help against suicide thoughts and they are there. And also you know what, don't care about what those classmates are saying. I don't see why you would be embarrassed when called to the psychologists office. Is it because you don't want them, your classmates to think that there is something wrong with you ? And are these the same classmates you hate so much as to write poetry that dipicts them as dying gruesome deaths ? I have to admit, I don't see why you should be saying that your life is bad. I would really like to hear your side of things if you are willing to continue talking.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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