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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I don't want this - March 20th 2010, 02:15 AM

This could or couldn't be triggering, but overall, I don't really think it is, to anybody but me.

Okay, so this goes every where, but overall, after everything that is going on, i feel it should be here.

I am 18 and I have fallen into, what I believe is another depression, and I am scared. I haven't been to a doctor yet, but I think that's what it is. Because I am feeling more alone than anything. I feel like I have absolutely no one, although, I know there are people there for me. I am scared, I haven't been like this since I was 13.

So, I don't know what else to say. I could tell you guys why I am feeling like this, but I don't even know why.

So I will give you a little bit of background to it all.

Lately I keep falling back into the past, wishing I could go back to being that happy little kid, who didn't care if she had friends or not. I wanna go back to the faith I had in god, but lost after I got bullied. I wanna not witness the things my dad did to my mom, or anyone else. I wanna remember the things I use to be able to do when I was little, and being by myself didn't matter that much. I wish I could erase what happened to me when I was little, so that it no longer haunts me, because every day it does.

I wanna be able to forgive him and forget what he did to me. I wanna be able to forget how he made me feel, and how much I so wish things were different. I have so many things that I am wanting that I had in the past, I just feel very unhappy about it.

I am a university student, I moved away from home, and I miss my family I do. But I don't think that's one of the biggest reasons. When I am at home, I feel like everybody treats me like shit, and that I am not wanted. I love school, I really do. So it's not that. I am not doing as well as i would like to be. I don't feel strong enough to do this anymore, although I wish I knew I was.

I know I have text anxiety because I know my stuff, and I can explain to whoever will listen, but I keep on failing. I will look over the test after i get it back and think to myself, I knew the answers, why did I write or choice that. But I have went to see a counselor for some help, just for tips and no one is willing to help.

I feel like I have no friends, no good ones anyway. I thought I did, but they seem to be pulling away from me. I think its because I am weird. I have no self confidence at all, and its all coming back to me.

I wish I had a best friend who I could cry infront of but I don't.
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Re: I don't want this - March 20th 2010, 02:52 AM

I know what it feels like to be 'weird' for sure

As far as friends go, I would try to confide in some friends, even if they aren't really good friends. If you need their support, and they give it to you, I think they will begin to get closer to you! When I approached someone about a very private and difficult topic, our friendship grew into a very strong, healthy one!


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Re: I don't want this - March 20th 2010, 09:22 PM

Hello there. Well here is my input :

Forgiveness : Forgiveness takes time to be fully realised. In forgiving, that initial decision to forgive is felt but the effects take their own time to show. So to forgive that guy, just do it in your heart. If it is hard then give yourself time too.Don't rush yourself, but take it slow and just decide that you want to and will at the time you are ready.

Fear : Well, don't be afraid of anything. If you know there are people there for you then don't be afraid, there is nothing to be afraid of. Don't let your heart be ruled by fear which is anxiety. Just be calm. And also, this takes time too, and will take time for the full effect to be felt and show.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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