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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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A better place, a better time - March 25th 2010, 02:58 AM

Hey everyone, just thought I'd give a quick update on how things have been going. I was prescribed lamictal for some inexplicable reason a few weeks ago by my new psych, and as far as I can tell it may as well be a sugar pill. I'm still on Wellbutrin (low dose) and quit the Prozac a few weeks ago.

I guess the good news is that I'm starting to feel like myself again. My mood seems a bit more stable, I'm less anxious about social situations and schoolwork, and I have fewer silly delusions and hypochondriac episodes. In a way, not being on antidepressants (or at least A LOT of antidepressants) seems to have eliminated some of the "scapegoating" I've been doing -- e.g. "Being on Prozac is worsening my depression, causing all these cognitive problems, etc." At the same time, it terrifies me to have to live as I am, without crutches and drugs, to face the person I haven't had to be for years (I was pretty much a chronic alcoholic before going on meds).

Above all, what scares me the most is the realization that these problems will never leave me. Just like the past and present, the future seems pretty bleak. I've never been able to make close friends, much less relationships, and all the repetition and rejection has turned me into an angry, bitter shell of the person I used to be. I just can't reach out to anyone these days; I need someone to reach out to me but I know it will never happen.

I'm not really sure what the whole point of writing this was, I guess just an opportunity to vent. As always, PM me if you have any suggestions, can identify, or just want to talk.

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Re: A better place, a better time - March 26th 2010, 12:45 AM

It's great you are starting to feel a little better. Even a little difference makes a huge difference in this situation. But rather than dreading the future, focus on the present. Take each day one at a time and each step one at a time. Because, not these problems won't disappear, but you will slowly overcome them. You WILL. You have to tell yourself that. I think you should talk to your phycologist about this also. Even if you can't reach out to someone, maybe you can right a letter? I'm sure there are many people willing to help you. We are always here if you need anything. I'm always around if you want to talk to me. : )


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
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Re: A better place, a better time - March 26th 2010, 01:06 AM

that's great that you're feeling better! and it's okay that you're afraid, you haven't been like this for a while, i get that. but this is the perfect opportunity to prove to yourself and to everyone that you aren't the person you used to be! you are a beautiful person and you can prove that now that you are controlling your actions, not the meds. <3
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Re: A better place, a better time - March 28th 2010, 07:11 AM

Hey there. I'm glad you're feeling better.
As for reaching out to people - what do you think you're doing by posting here?
You're a stronger and better person than you give yourself credit for. You can do anything. Make the future yours. Take hold of it and make it better than your wildest dreams.
And above all, never lose hope.

let no science fix our path
if only numbers make its math.
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