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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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bellarox08 Offline
Evie
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Name: Evie
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Exclamation Hopeless : / - March 27th 2010, 03:48 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Idk wat to do anymore i constantly feel depressed my friends are the only 1s tht know i dont want to tell my parents me nd my step dad havent been getting along for about 3mths now he doesnt do anything for me we dont really talk ive been depressed since last yr which is wen i strted cutting ive been getting better but i still cut wen i feel really bad i think all the time if any1 would care if i died i think of ways to kill myself all the time my 2 best friends are constantly fighting cuz they are each others exes nd im in the middle of it i want them to get bac together so bad cuz the guy is like a brother to me nd the girl is like a sister to me nd they were so happy together nd i want wat they had soo bad but i dont think any of tht will ever happen but idkk thts kinda hopeless i guess but i loove helping ppl but i cant literally cant take my own advice which gets so frustrating nd i feel like i need a guy in my life to make me happy i want some1 to love me nd who wants me then mayb i wouldnt feel so bad im trying so hard to hold on but im seriously reaching my limit i have attempted suicide 6 times but i can neer go through wit it. when i walk to my bus stop i think of ways i could die ppl kidnapping me raping me nd killing me, me jumping in front of cars, suffocating myself nd more... i always think about tht nd lately ive been having dreams like if i died no1 would care nd they would throw a party my mom told me to my face tht wen i turn 18 (i'll still be in high school) my step dad's gona say choose me or her nd she would choose him him this man shes known for 10 yrs over her own blood daughter tht really kiled me wen she told me tht nd im ready to just say i really dont care about any1 anymore nd just kill myself nd dont tell me to turn to god ive tried tht nd nothing happened i dont believe in god anymore he has never helped me whenever i needed it nd i just wanna die well if u read all this thanks... : /
   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: Hopeless : / - March 27th 2010, 04:13 PM

Quote:
Idk wat to do anymore i constantly feel depressed my friends are the only 1s tht know i dont want to tell my parents me nd my step dad havent been getting along for about 3mths now he doesnt do anything for me we dont really talk
Hi. I'm sorry you haven't been doing so well lately. That's not fun. While I do think you should tell your parents, I am glad that at least someone (your friends) know. Are they good outlets to talk to? Do they listen to you and help you try to find the next step to recovery and help? If so, that's great -- you know that they're good friends. As far as your parents go, do you have relatives in the picture? Have you thought about talking to anyone not in your immediate family, but still in your family? If not, that could be a good route to go. Even if you just wanted to write someone a note, I'm sure they'd be able to help you. If you're not considering talking to your parents, I think you should look into making an appointment with a guidance counselor or resource officer at your school. Obviously, you want help but just don't really know where to go to get it. I assure you that guidance counselors can often be very good resources for this.

Quote:
ive been depressed since last yr which is wen i strted cutting ive been getting better but i still cut wen i feel really bad i think all the time if any1 would care if i died i think of ways to kill myself all the time
As I'm sure you know by now, self injury isn't really a healthful coping method. You deserve much better than to be hurting yourself, Evie. Have you taken a look at the Alternatives thread in our Self Harm forum? It's basically a list, organized by different ways you may be feeling, of healthy activities to do instead of self harming. If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend that you do; it can be found [here]. Hopefully that will give you a few ideas of more effective and healthful coping methods.

On the line of thinking that no one would care if you were to harm yourself, please know that there are ALWAYS so many people who care about each and every one of us. We're all unique...there's no one else out there who's exactly like us (which is partially why it's so fascinating to get to know others and care about them), but we were meant to live this life together with others, not in solitude. And we DO live life together. You mentioned having friends and family...I know good and well they care very much about you, and often, the people who you *think* care the least are often those who care the most.

Quote:
my 2 best friends are constantly fighting cuz they are each others exes nd im in the middle of it i want them to get bac together so bad cuz the guy is like a brother to me nd the girl is like a sister to me nd they were so happy together nd i want wat they had soo bad but i dont think any of tht will ever happen but idkk thts kinda hopeless i guess
This situation kind of sounds like it's stressing you out. In fact, it's stressing me out just reading about it! You're in your OWN time of need right now, so rather than focusing on the relationship of your good friends, let them work that out on their own (which is essentially how it will happen regardless of whether or not you try to take matters into your hands, since it is their relationship), and you just think about YOU and how you can try and keep pushing forward with your life. I know, from experience, that it's possible to have two friends of yours that don't like one another. It's slightly straining, but sometimes, you just have to be like, "hey, so-and-so, I realize that you're angry at so-and-so, but they're a friend of mine, so I'd rather we didn't talk about it." I know it's blunt and straightforward, but sometimes it can help.

Quote:
but i loove helping ppl but i cant literally cant take my own advice which gets so frustrating nd i feel like i need a guy in my life to make me happy i want some1 to love me nd who wants me then mayb i wouldnt feel so bad im trying so hard to hold on but im seriously reaching my limit
I love helping people also - definitely a big passion of mine, and I am just absolutely awful at taking my own advice too. I think that's kind of a common theme with everyone, whether or not they enjoy helping others. There's just something about taking one's own advice that's really, really hard! I think, though, that that's why places like TeenHelp work out well sometimes. Even though someone else might tell you what you already knew, it often just helps to have another person say it in a different way and give their reasoning behind saying it. It is frustrating, but I guess it's just something we all have to work through.

As far as needing a guy to make you happy goes, girl, let me tell you that you don't need a guy to make you happy. I'm a big fan of the idea of, pertaining to one's own happiness, you have to be independent and try to find that within. Once you've found happiness within yourself and are kind of at peace with yourself, THAT's probably the point when you're most likely to find someone or meet someone who makes you MORE happy. However, you don't want to be relying solely on another person to make you happy, or it really may strain potential relationships and be unhealthy for both of you if the relationship was to ever end.

Quote:
i have attempted suicide 6 times but i can neer go through wit it. when i walk to my bus stop i think of ways i could die ppl kidnapping me raping me nd killing me, me jumping in front of cars, suffocating myself nd more... i always think about tht nd lately ive been having dreams like if i died no1 would care nd they would throw a party my mom told me to my face tht wen i turn 18 (i'll still be in high school) my step dad's gona say choose me or her nd she would choose him him this man shes known for 10 yrs over her own blood daughter tht really kiled me wen she told me tht nd im ready to just say i really dont care about any1 anymore nd just kill myself
As I said, I'm sorry things are tough right now. Sometimes, I think that as we try to reach out for help (which by the way, you definitely SHOULD try to talk to a guidance counselor -- there really is more to life than feeling this way and you deserve to experience it, I think we should also just try to keep pushing ourselves farther than we think we can go. Knock down your limits, and give life a swift kick in the butt. People DO care about you and love you -- more people than you could even imagine, I'm sure, because something I've learned over the past year is that it's a very, very small world, and more people know you and would miss you than you think.

As for what your mom said, you're absolutely right -- she shouldn't have said that. That doesn't change the fact that she did, though, and the fact that it hurts you. I wish I could advise you on a way to work things out with her, but I don't know how to do that. I'm glad she's not verbally or physically abusing you, though, and I do think there's still time to foster a healthful relationship with her. It might take a lot of patience, effort, time, and being really thick-skinned, but I feel like if you want to make it work, maybe you'll be able to find the means to do that.

Quote:
nd dont tell me to turn to god ive tried tht nd nothing happened i dont believe in god anymore he has never helped me whenever i needed it nd i just wanna die well if u read all this thanks... : /
I used to be a very devout Christian when I was a freshmen and a sophomore in high school. At the end of the sophomore year, though, I too went through a slightly rough time and I lost my faith. I just remember my passion for God at that time, though, and it gives me hope that maybe there IS a God and maybe there's more to life than just what I'm physically able to see in front of me. And then I hear AMAZING and inspiring stories of people so, so beyond ridiculously passionate for this God, and I wonder how he can NOT exist, but I also wonder how he CAN. So, I see where you're coming from. I've come to the conclusion that if there is a God (and I honestly, truly hope that there is), he's not so much going to fix our problems for us as he is just going to try to help us to cope with them however we can. Who knows.

Hang in there, and take good care of yourself.



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