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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
I'm A Pyschotic Neurotic.
I can't get enough
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Name: Jaymi
Age: 33
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Posts: 3,203
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A wave of depression just came over me - March 28th 2010, 07:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Generally Ive been really good, but this depression thing has hit me hard. I feel like running, I dont know where to, I know I have mood swings, but this is ridiculous.

I just want to curl up and die, Im fed up of being positive. I cant be arsed to pretend.

Whats the point, just had some clonazepam to stop the shakes and anxiety, but it doesnt stop me from being suicidal.

I probably wont do anything except cut and tie a ligature tonight. I am just so pissed off and upset, I dont even know why anymore.

I think I am grieving for my grandad who passed, but that was in January, how can I still be grieving, Oh shit, Im crying know.

Im sorry people, I have to pretend again. Carry on as normal, even though inside Im dieing.


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Re: A wave of depression just came over me - March 28th 2010, 08:03 PM

Hey Jaymi,

I am so sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. And I am also so sorry to hear that your Grandad passed in January. Don't beat yourself up because you are still grieving, everyone grieves at their own rate and you can't change that. Do you have someone you could talk to about how you feel about your Grandad? Try to remember all the happy times and memories you have together, yeah? It is okay to cry and let your emotions out, you never know it could help.

As for your feelings, do you have anyone you can talk to about this? A close friend, relative, parent, counsellor. You don't deserve to feel like this and the fact you have posted shows you don't want to and that you want to get help and feel happy again. You can do that, I believe you are strong enough and you can get through it.

Have you ever tried writing or painting? It can be a good way to express your emotions without having to verbalise them. Or try letting your frustrations out by having a pillow fight with the wall? I find that can be useful. Try to remove any possible triggers or "weapons" that you could use or that could be used to hurt yourself. Could you ring a friend, go round to a friend's house for the night?

PM me if you ever need a chat about anything,
You deserve better than this. Keep fighting!
Take care Jaymi.
Anna




You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
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Name: Jaymi
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: England

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Re: A wave of depression just came over me - March 28th 2010, 08:06 PM

First of all, I always write on the self expression forum, but no-one reads. Second of all I have no friends to talk to or to go to.

Thank you for your advice, but I..*sigh*..I dont know.


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But in the end,
It all turns into a perfect melody
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Re: A wave of depression just came over me - March 28th 2010, 08:40 PM

It was only in January, that is not long at all. My mom died in December and I still greive over her death wishing every morning I wasn't breathing anymore. I feel like grief will never stop. It's very normal if you feel sad, i think.


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Re: A wave of depression just came over me - March 28th 2010, 09:39 PM

I'm very sorry to hear you feel this way. No worries hon, it's been 10 years for me and I'm still grieving. Pain is a strong feeling, but you need to keep strong. I feel this strong desire to just run away from my thoughts and emotions, so I know how you feel. My depressions been going on for almost two years, and I get it. Try to find something you love; I love horses, so I take riding lessons. When you feel upset try to remember all the things you love.
Best wishes,
Laci
   
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