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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
RetroFresh Offline
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Name: Patrick
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Unhappy Some problems - March 28th 2010, 11:51 PM

This will probably be weird to most people, but whatever...

I sometimes get some kind of blockings, for instance when a teacher tells me to read something out loud, I "read" words but it's like I didn't read anything.. It is hard to explain, but I hope someone will understand. To make it clearer - I need to focus more to read it out loud.. like when you are extremely tired, or drunk. But it is fine when I'm alone, or with friends. Social anxiety sign?



Also, I suffer from depression... Every year, starting from November and lasting until May, then kicking in again around July, lasting until the end of August. Every year. And it gets worse every year... I do everything to avoid it - I eat quality food, do sports(cycling, jogging and some gym), arts, I hang out with friends, but it doesn't help. At worst time I completely isolate myself, self harm, drink, smoke, have suicidal thoughts or feel completely dead, like a robot. I am also very anxious at times, mostly about my future, but sometimes about other things too.. My environment is not nice - not much people are close to me, I chose a completely wrong profession(high schools here are divided by professions, unless they are gymnasiums. I picked tourism, it looked nice but the future, and oportunities are not motivational, and there are things that interest me way more), People are shallow, mostly in a musical sense(MTV music...), the counselor is a cold government tool, everything feels sluggish, etc.. So the only thing I have left is to fight for my own better future and well being, but with these problems.. I feel like I'm caged, losing my strength.......... Sometimes I get on my own nerves, because this is not thereal me. And that just makes it worse.


Any advice?

This thread went way off, but I will leave it as it is. I was going to put it in Mental Health, but since it became about depression, this is where it goes.





"Wondering, wonder, wonderer
You're searching for what, what is to search
You're longing and looking once again for a home
Angery, anger and agony
The pain is pain, pain is to be
The remedy is on its way it will relieve

Been through the fire and been through the rain
Called the wonderer and yet have no name
If I were you won't you want me or is in my head.
Or is it in my head
Or is it in my head"

Vernon - Wonderer

Last edited by RetroFresh; March 28th 2010 at 11:57 PM.
   
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Re: Some problems - March 29th 2010, 01:51 AM

Hey man, I know how much those years can really suck. All throughout school I didn't really have any friends. At the school I went to - I made the dumbest mistake of going to private school, I only had one friend who could protect me at times while I got knocked around at other times and no girls around. At all. I'm just now at the senior level I would have been in public high school. Father's a no-show, I don't know my Mom. Always felt like an alien. So I know how much it sucks having everything against you and feeling like it's you against the world.

But, I'm here to tell you that there is a future out there and that you will get past. I was a nobody back then. An invisible who hated himself and hated life. I contemplated suicide, completely fell apart. I see a light though. It took me a while to find it and I can tell you that it is there. In three months I move to Los Angeles, an intern with Warner Brothers, and with a script that I'm 90% positive I'll sell for a hit blockbuster. All this from a small town nobody who has signs of social anxiety disorder and went through a lot of rough times of depression.

If I can make it through I know you can too dude. And trust me, what the future holds - you DO want to be around for that. Use everything you have in you and use it to motivate you... that's part of the secret to success. If you check singers, writers, actors, I'm betting successful people in other professions as well - we're all slightly broken from years of tragedy. But those years also serve as the secret fuel that's our gift and our curse. Tap into it, use it - you'll go far because already you're a survivor.
   
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RetroFresh Offline
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Name: Patrick
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Re: Some problems - March 29th 2010, 08:12 PM

Thanks man, just the words I needed!

I sure hope I will make it, I am naturally a fighter type, but my batteries are.. unreliable. But I will punch it through


I wish you all the best!





"Wondering, wonder, wonderer
You're searching for what, what is to search
You're longing and looking once again for a home
Angery, anger and agony
The pain is pain, pain is to be
The remedy is on its way it will relieve

Been through the fire and been through the rain
Called the wonderer and yet have no name
If I were you won't you want me or is in my head.
Or is it in my head
Or is it in my head"

Vernon - Wonderer
   
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