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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Buffie-92 Offline
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Name: Bridget
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still alive - March 29th 2010, 10:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was going to kill myself today.

I was going to stay home from school, organize my room and all my belongings, write everyone a letter about how I didn't want anyone to feel bad that I was gone because it was what I wanted and just because I did it doesn't mean I didn't love them...
and then I was going to hang myself in my garage.

I don't know if I should be glad that I didn't or not
I don't know if I am going to do it tomorrow or not


but these are days we dream about
when the sunlight paints us gold
and this apartment could not be prettier
as we danced up there alone..


   
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dr2005 Offline
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Re: still alive - March 29th 2010, 10:41 PM

Hey Bridget,

I think you should view the fact that you didn't act on this plan as an achievement - to have gone through that much planning gives me an idea of how hard things had become, so to be able to put that plan aside and go to school etc. instead says a lot for your inner strength. Obviously it doesn't mean the problems have gone away, but it is an encouraging step.

In terms of not knowing whether you're going to try again or not, my best advice (and the only I really have) is to talk to someone about it. If you're seeing a counsellor or therapist, get in contact with them and explain what's been going on. Likewise, if someone at school knows what you've been going through then it might be worth talking to them about it as well. Aside from that, the fact that you did not go through with it suggests to me that there is still something worth holding onto, and you should try to hold onto that as much as possible. And remember that us lot on Teenhelp are here if you need us.

Take care.
   
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floatingangel Offline
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Re: still alive - March 30th 2010, 01:05 PM

hey hun,
you're still here and that's a great sign already. (: at the point where you thought you couldn't go another day, you still made it through another day. you can do it again day after day until one day you find that living is actually not that bad after all..
stay safe hun..



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: still alive - March 30th 2010, 03:42 PM

Hey there Bridget,

I am happy that you decided not to hurt yourself yesterday, that is a very good and brave decision that you made. I hope that you are glad that you had the courage to stop yourself, that was very strong.

There are a lot of alternatives from hurting yourself or trying to commit suicide. Recovery can be difficult, but so is suicide and with suicide you don't get a benefit at the end - it just causes pain to others who are left behind, as you may have already realised. I think it would be a good idea on try ing to work on feeling better and improving your quality of life.
Of course, you do not have to go through this alone, Bridget. You can talk to anyone about how you feel and I am sure that they would be willing to help you through this difficult time. Please talk to someone such as a relative, friend, counsellor, doctor or a crisis hotline. You can get through this.

Keep strong.
   
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