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Tiny_93 Offline
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Maybe everything isn't as shiny as it seems. - March 30th 2010, 01:01 PM

Maybe everything has hit me harder than I thought. To all my friends I'm a happy, strong person. But really I'm not. I'm a mess. I feel weak, I've lost interest in things I used to love, I rarely leave the house now and constantly cry.

I've been lying to myself, saying everything is ok. And I've actually been beleiving it. But now that I've got some time to think, I see that everything isn't ok.

I look at mum and dad, and they're drinking. My little brother is constantly angry, my older brother barely comes home anymore, and as for me, well, I'm really struggling.

I was put on anti - depressants (Fluoxetine) a while ago. I've been on them before, but since they've been prescribed again, I've not taken them. Partly because I thought I didn't need to but the fact I don't like taking them because they change who I am - I'm someone numb.

I've done well though, and not self harmed, or used my eating habits as a form of coping. But maybe it's worth me taking the meds again? I feel like I've been lying to everyone, hiding all this from my best friend. What to do?

Sorry guys, random thread.

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floatingangel Offline
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Re: Maybe everything isn't as shiny as it seems. - March 30th 2010, 01:11 PM

hey hun, i know it's so hard struggling with depression. and i just wanna assure you that it's not permanent.
but i do notice that you're family situation is not helping.. having alcoholic parents can really contribute to wrecking you whether or not you feel it.. do you tell your counsellor about all of this? and are you seeing a counsellor regularly now?
there're people who're trained to help. and medication alone never really solved anything, it's just a complementary measure.. and the counsellor probably knows what he/she is doing and prescribing.
maybe you can try to confide in your best fren a bit by a bit? it's really easier to have someone who can be in contact with you to talk to.
i can really relate to that where you said that ppl think you're a strong and happy person when you feel that you're anything but. and maybe that makes it seem harder for you to confide in someone to keep that image.. but trust me, there'd be people who care enough for you to hear you out and possibly offer some rational advice when you're an emotional wreck.. could save you..
good luck and stay safe hun

and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
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FlyingTrue Offline
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Re: Maybe everything isn't as shiny as it seems. - March 31st 2010, 03:45 PM

Hello Laura,
I think I can understand your pain. You need somebody to confide in, to comfort you, and to nurture you and make you feel special. This is something you should always have. Your family is failing you at so many levels. The way I am seeing it, people are thinking your feelings are your problem, most medical professionals fail to take into account the external causes as to why you feel the way you do, nor does that concern them. They just see symptoms in a book that must be corrected, that is what they are being paid to do. You as a person are feeling the way a person should be, emotionally you are hurt. The effort should be on correcting what is hurting you so you can feel better, not making you pop pills down your throat to mask the feelings. I think therapy is needed, not for you as an individual, but for your family as a whole. None of what you are feeling is your fault.

I don't know how close you are to your best friend but he/she would probably take the time to listen to you and comfort you. I think if you can find someone to confide in, like a boyfriend, who would nurture and love you, your depressed feelings will probably go away. (If you have one and are unable to feel comfortable discussing these things with him or he doesn't really care, he is not the right one for you.)

Personally, I am still somewhat depressed that I don't have a significant other in my life, I know if I find one my pain would probably go away, but despite my internal weakness, I too display myself a strong and positive character which I often truly do not feel that way. I hurt on the inside too. It is normal human emotion which you are feeling. I know you will be okay.

If you need someone to confide in then please send me a PM. Best wishes.
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