I'm not the man I want to be.

[Ryan1]

First and foremost, not 100% sure if this belongs here, if not feel free to move it.

Well ever since I can remember I’ve been extremely rough both in words and in my actions. Both of my parents are top of the line grade A people with good jobs, My brother is in university and is well spoken.

I on the other hand finished school after completing grade 12 and am now in a plumbing apprenticeship I am with a rough crowd all day and do bull-work the best of times. I’m miserable both because I’m not the man I want to be and because of work. On the weekends I often go to parties and drink I almost always get into I a fight with another guy or the odd time a few of them…

I’ve been beaten to the point where I can’t see out of my eyes and I’ve done likewise to several others. In high school I was always known as a brawler which I didn’t particularly like because the girls aren’t into that. I guess you could call me a hot head, I don’t walk around pissed off but it doesn’t take much to go overboard.

I’ve never had a serious girlfriend because I’m to blunt with my words and don’t hold back what I have to say, its not because I’m unattractive or anything like that its more so because of my attitude. But truly I would love a steady girlfriend and hopefully spend most of my time with her.

Lately I’ve just been having one night stands but I’m getting sick of the empty sex with girls I meet over the course of a weekend. However I want to get away from that whole seen and just get into a relationship and spoil my girlfriend, I’ve never been in *love* but I wonder what it feels like.

To think - if any of my buddies heard me say this, They’d probably shit. Also I find my self very snappy to both of my parents and I feel as though I’m setting a poor example for my little brother.

Please give me any advice on any of my above problems.

Thanks!

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey Ryan,
I think the first step of changing is wanting to change, so you've taken that first step.
It's good that you can see all of the things that you need to change in your life.
There's nothing wrong with doing a plumbing apprenticeship but if this is not the career you see for yourself maybe you need to look into going back to education, there are lots of part-time courses that you will find allow you to study and work at the same time. Think of the things that make you happy and something you're good at, that might give you some good ideas for different industries you might want to go into.
Or maybe you could find a short-course to give something new a chance and see if it's for you.

Drinking can make lots of people aggressive as alcohol effects different people in different ways, maybe you should avoid going to parties at the weekend and try and make a better use of your time. I'm not saying you shouldn't socialise, just find different things to do, you can still go out it just doesn't necessarily need to involve drinking. Sometimes it's hard to get out of a partying life style because you know so many people who do exactly the same thing every weekend. Think of some friends you have that usually do calmer things over the weekend and maybe you could try going out with them occassionally, you might find you enjoy that more or do a mixture of the partying and going out with other friends who do different things.
I think the violence after you've been drinking is not a good thing and alcohol probably does bring out your violent streak more. I know it's hard when someone says something to annoy you walking away is easier said that done but it does make you the bigger person if you're able to walk away without getting physical.

I think it's only natural for you to want a girlfriend and want to experience love. I can say that I've never experienced love either. I think for you to get a girlfriend you need to show people your softer side and show people you're not all about drinking and fighting. I think the places you go usually reflect some of the people you meet. Going to parties is only going to encourage you to meet girls that might now always be the kind of girls you would settle down and have a relationship with- not to say all party-going girls are whores or anything because that is untrue but everyone seems to do things they wouldn't necessarily do when drunk.
I think you should look in other places to meet girls.
I am here if you ever want to speak.
Love Paige xox

[WillO'Wisp]

I know for a fact empty sex with people definitely will not fill that empty void of you wanting to find yourself a girlfriend. Maybe try to hold back on saying blunt, opinionated, outspoken things that are not nice and people may not approve of, at least around girls. Alot of girls can easily take offense to that, even if you don't mean it the way it sounded they can take it the wrong way. For a girlfriend to come by, a good one, it happens when you least expect it and you ahve to just be patient and wait for it to happen. You don't really need a girlfriend to make you happy anyways.
Also, fighting never does solve anything but if you do it to defend yourself, I have fought before and I don't really see anything of a turn-off about people who do. Guys who fight kind of turn me on...I don't know why. I am a UFC fan again, so...

[Ryan1]

Thanks Ladies, I'll take all the advice given in to consideration, after all my game plan isn't working for me so I guess its time for a change.

Thanks again,

-Ryan