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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
friendable Offline
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Name: Elizabeth
Age: 28
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Join Date: January 22nd 2009

I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 2nd 2010, 08:01 PM

I'm not worth anything as a person. I can't even make my own fucking parents happy about anything. I have no friends and I go to a shitty fucking college and can't even afford to leave my parents' house. Nothing is ever going to change. I've had people telling me that my life is going to get better for the past almost ten years and it just doesn't. It's gotten worse in a lot of ways. I just got rejected for the job that I really wanted and was counting on. That was pretty much my only hope for going to a real college because my parents make a shitload of money but they're fucking idiots and can't grow up and pay bills like adults. And they think they can't afford to help me pay for college while financial aid programs really disagree with them. This is it. This is my final fucking sign that nothing is going to get better. If I get a B on something, it's always "why not an A?" Even if I get As, I should have gotten ALL As. My dad keeps saying he's just kidding some of the time but that's all he ever says. It's never a single positive thing about anything, and I swear to God I'm not exaggerating. He just told me to take a picture and send it to someone with his phone. I tried to do it but the thing wouldn't load after I hit send. I tried it a few times and explained to him that it wasn't working and he just said "Great, you can't even do this for me. You're supposed to be good at this" and came at me like he was going to hit me when I walked away. Really? It's my fucking fault the phone won't work correctly? I can't deal with this and there's no way out. And I won't be surprised in the least if no one actually reads this stupid thing. I really am done with all of this bullshit. I don't have any other way out.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
HisPrincess Offline
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 2nd 2010, 08:21 PM

I know things can get hard and it looks like you are going threw a hard time right now. Hang in there. If you need anything feel free to PM me. I would love to talk.

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 3rd 2010, 02:57 AM

I often find myself feeling lonely too. Other than the people on this forum I only have one other friend around my age right now. Sometimes I too feel that my parent does not understand me and even inadvertently carelessly ruins my opportunities to meet new people or to enjoy what I'm doing. For years I didn't really enjoy my life and had constant promises it would get better which seemed to mean nothing. I had been suicidal once in the past due to the overwhelming same feelings that you are experiencing now. But after that, things got a bit better for me, at least. You have waited as nearly as long as I have to experience true happiness, but maybe the good times are closer than you think.

May I ask, what types of things have you done to try to meet people or to alleviate your feelings of loneliness? Often times it seems like no matter what I do, I fail. But I'm not giving up.

BTW what college are you attending now, and what is it that you dislike about it? Is it teachers not caring? A bullying student body? If we can target exactly what makes you miserable, we can try to figure out how you can feel better.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Chriz Offline
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 3rd 2010, 12:45 PM

hey you know reading this. it felt like you wee telling me my life story. but you know i got better by having a friend who made me laugh alot. well for me the parental issues have not ben solved but for me. as i started to socialise i started to become more cheerful. thus i made more friends. my friends told me i was hard to approach as i never smiled and well i looked like i was a proud person. A.K.A bitch because i was in depression and didnt smile. but as i smiled more i got more friends. try to smile and im sure for you and me parental issues will somehow work out. when i get B on something my brother and my brother nag me why not A? when i get an A what do they say? english is gonna be useless in the future. what for you get A? you need to get better in chinese.(i suck at chinese) but im sure something will work out. because if they hated me they would have disowned me already.but they keep me in their comfy home making sure im safe. your parents love you that is why they care. life only changes if you make an effort for a better change. smileand never give up. everyone has ups and downs and good points and bad points. NEVER GIVE UP! you are worth something to somone. you are precous to someone in this world. and they will be sad if they lose you. once again NEVER GIVE UP!!!! stand up and go for one more step

You smile not because your happy. But because you know smiling will bring you happiness.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
london Offline
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 3rd 2010, 02:58 PM

I'm really sorry. I kinda know what you mean about the parents thing though. My mom and I fought constantly for years and years. Everyday, screaming at each other. Literally, all the time. It was really terrible and I hated it so much. My mom is exactly like that about grades. If I got an A, why not an A+? If I got 100% why not more? I could never live up to her expectations, so I stopped trying. Randomly, it just all stopped though a couple of years ago. No one can really promise to try to make your life better but you have to try yourself. The job thing is just one thing in your life. you can't just stop because you got rejected once. Try to move on and find another job. And don't listen to your parents.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
friendable Offline
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Name: Elizabeth
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 4th 2010, 01:20 AM

Thanks, everyone. I know I should do more to socialize but I just get really nervous and feel like I don't have anything to say. And the job thing...I've been looking for a job for a year. I applied to at least 10 places last month alone. This was the job that would have been absolutely perfect, but oh well. Not anything I can do about it now. But anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. I feel a lot better today.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. - April 4th 2010, 02:27 PM

Hey there Elizabeth,

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling right now, but it is not a reason to give up. You do not deserve to give everything away and you do deserve to get better and feel happiness. There is so much to live for, Elizabeth, and even if you can not see that yet, it is true that there will be a lot of opportunities and better times for you in the future if you fight through this.
If you're feeling as though you're at risk with yourself, I'd strongly suggest that you try to talk to someone about how you are feeling right now. Please try and reach out - you deserve to feel better.

Take care.
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