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rat Offline
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Name: Harriet
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Unhappy Help / support? - April 2nd 2010, 10:16 PM

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted for a while even though things have been far from great, but tonight I can't take it, and I don't want to do anything that i'll regret (or that anyone else will regret for that matter). Everything's just got a bit much...the main issue is that my best friend in the world (who I'm a little bit in love with) is leaving, and I won't see her in a really long time. She was my rock, she gave me everything and asked very little in return. I'm going to miss her so much. The problem is, I already do miss her, so much, but I need to be strong because i'm trying to get better. Also, i've got really important exams coming up, but no matter how hard I try, I can't focus on work - I pretend i'm revising but I just end up crying and crying in my room. I haven't cut since last tuesday (woop) but I can't go much longer I don't think. Also, I haven't eaten in...a while, i'm not anorexic but it's certainly going that way, and I don't know how to stop it...I don't know if I want to stop it, even my parents have noticed, and they keep making hurtful comments. I'm so stressed about my future at the moment, and I feel like i'm suffocating but with no-one to help me through. My friend killed herself last week then sent me an e-card saying 'come with me'...my brain knows that this is a BAD idea...but my heart is putting up a good fight...and with my history, I know which might win. I want to go to sleep forever but I can hardly sleep 3 hours a night...everything feels like it's falling apart.
Thanks so much if you got this far, I didn't mean for my rant to turn into a novel, I just thought this would be the best way to help myself right now.

Love to everyone xx

I hope for nothing
I fear nothing
I am free
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Lu82 Offline
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Re: Help / support? - April 3rd 2010, 01:31 AM

Hang in there,youre not alone, i feel the same as you, one days seems like theres no hope, but theres other days when there is.
Ive lost my friend too( well at least thats what he said), he left and didnt even say goodbye i trusted him, and that totally broke me inside.I dont even know if ill ever see him again.And i been feeling like crap lately and now im even worse.
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Re: Help / support? - April 3rd 2010, 01:51 AM

A friend who asks you to kill yourself and come along with them is not a good friend. If I died, god forbid, I would expect my friends to carry on and be strong, and your best friend would be dissapointed to hear you talk about wanting to hurt yourself or die. She would want you to be strong too. You can still keep in contact through writing, e-mails and phone can't you? She could still come and visit sometimes, or you could go visit her. I know it'll hurt for awhile but you can go out and socialize, maybe get a part-time job and meet some new friends you can hang out with in the meantime.
Don't give up on yourself, don't start cutting again because hurting yourself more isn't going to help the way you feel right now, it's not going to accomplish anything, and neither is starving yourself. Starving yourself will really cause damage to your body and your health in the future, and it's just not good to do this to yourself. You're a good person and you're stronger than you think, you can make it through this if you just try and hold your head up high!
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