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chrissybear Offline
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Exclamation closer to the edge than ever before - April 7th 2010, 06:56 PM

why do i feel so bad i mean things ahve been spiralling out of control for so fucking long and its like they get worser they get better then they get worser i cant take all this crap anymore its all to much i feel so close to the edge i see images im making plans all the time i wanna be saved yet i dont think i can be saved i want to but its too late i am drifting i can feel myself going im scared im actually gonna do it i know im at breaking point yet im still trying to put on this act im still lying i havent got anyone that can really help me whats left for me who am i doing this for why am i doing it someone please tell me coz i really cant see the point im thinking of ending it all i dont think i will be here by the weekend im so scared please help

im not perfect and sometimes i break take me as i am or leave me be
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Apollo Offline
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Re: closer to the edge than ever before - April 7th 2010, 07:31 PM


The first thing I want to tell you is, that you've already done the hardest part. Reaching out. Unless you tell somebody how you feel, then they won't know how to help you. I encourage you to talk to an adult that you trust, or maybe even a friend. Maybe a school counselor could help point you in the right direction? There are a lot of people who care about you, I promise you that much.

I am really concerned about these "images" you are seeing. I think, like I said before, you need to talk to somebody as soon as you can. I know it is hard, but it REALLY pays off in the long run... you deserve to be happy. And it is okay to be scared, it is normal. When you said you want to be saved, well, that is a VERY good thing. I do not know if you realize this, but you do not really want to die. Just because you said you want to be saved, but you don't think you can be? A part of you is holding back from carrying out your plans that you made, and I am SO glad you came here first.

I think besides finding somebody to talk to, you should find things that make you happy. Like, hanging out with friends, keeping a journal (helps get your feelings out, just make sure to hide it ), seeing a musical, draw, paint, write books, learn how to golf (it is a good stress reliever for me), drink some tea, and there are a bunch more. If you ever feel really unsafe, you should call up a friend (or somebody else) and ask to hang out to take your mind off things. Also spending the night at friend's houses are fun. Try to avoid staying home alone when you're unsafe.

And another thing, you're never alone. Tons of people care about you. I care about you. All of us on TeenHelp care about you. Remember, tomorrow is a different day.

Take care, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Always feel free to contact me.
<3 |.YOU ARE LOVED.| <3


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The truth:
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dropsofjupiter Offline
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Re: closer to the edge than ever before - April 7th 2010, 09:00 PM

Hi Chrissy,
Again, well done for saying something, and I'm sure that everyone on TH will be thankful that you're reaching out and support you. I mean it - there's a lot of love going around, and you're welcome to a share in it
As Apollo said, somewhere deep in you, you want to carry on. You want to battle through this. And that's exactly what this is - a battle. Not a war. You can win, and it won't last forever, you can escape it if you just keep on taking each day, step by step. The fact that you're scared is good - it means that you still feel emotion; you still want to keep going, and you still feel human.

What makes YOU happy?

I went through a rough patch a short while ago, where I just wanted it all to end. After about an hour of sitting in the dark crying, I went downstairs and spoke to my mum about how I was feeling. Her initial reaction was for me to stop being so stupid, and I felt offended but not worse - I was already the worst I could have been. However, when she saw how affected I really was, she talked to me for an hour or so and it helped completely. She made me laugh. She brought me a drink and we chatted - slowly, at first - about various things in life. She got me through the next day and then the next week without me crying or wanting to just go.
Do you have anyone you could talk to? Anyone at all? It doesn't have to be someone you're close to. It really helps, and you don't have to talk about your feelings. You could attack the problem head on - go up to the person and say 'I feel...' or you could just chat about, say, a book or a film, or just use your imagination and say 'I like your top...' and get into a conversation about clothes. Whatever you choose, keep the subject light-hearted. It will make you appreciate the smaller things in life, be it the colour pink, or the smell of bananas, etc. IMO, if there's something that still makes you even the tiniest bit happier, it's worth living for.

And remember, if you go, there will always be someone who will miss you. You might not even know them - it could be the postman who sees you each morning, or the man who lives nextdoor. YOU are special and appreciated and you can get through anything life throws at you.

As Apollo said, everyone on here cares about you. You are special and you have all the power in the world to be anyone you want to be. You just have to discover your inner happiness.

All the best xxxx please keep on through this, I know you will make it through xxxx cmon its nearly summer after all and then you can start afresh

"you need defeat to add value to your victories" - Rafael Nadal

"feel the fear...do it anyway!"

"i'm on fire and nothing's gonna hold me back, unless blue sky's got a pocketful of tricks to try"

I now have a blog!
please follow my adventures as I strive to find humour in life, the universe, and everything (;
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