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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Tilley Offline
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Name: Aurora
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: In A Little Country Town

Posts: 30
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Join Date: January 7th 2009

I just need some help. - April 9th 2010, 10:22 PM

I don't really know why i'm writing to you. I just feel really shit and alone right now, and at least by writing this i can preoccupy myself from thinking about how much i hate myself and want to cut my own throat.

I just don't really understand anything anymore. I just don't even feel like i'm real. I feel like i am some kind of hologram. I feel like my whole life is a movie, as if none of the things happening are actually real. I don't want to believe that any of this is real. I just want to slink back into my own imagination and live in the worlds and lives i create in my head. Sorry this rant is so stupid. You're probably like uhhhmm ok....Considering i don't really even know you and here i am just being all retarded and writing you some stupid post as if i expect you to reply actually caring. I just feel really bad.

I cut myself before and i've just been lying on my floor staring at the ceiling for an hour trying to work out if this is actually even happening. I don't want to go anywhere and see anyone. My friends have asked me to go places all this week and i have turned them down each time. I just can't see anyone. I just want to sit and cry and be alone. It's so hard actually having to talk to people and pretend that i am ok. And its one of my close friends 18th tomorrow and i'm basically forcing myself to go. I just can't be bothered. I really don't want to see people. This email is so stupid. And it's so long. Sorry or being such a dick. I just feel like i need to talk to someone because all i can do right now is cry. I just don't even know whats going on anymore. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die.

sorry

i should stop now


If I could get,
Another chance
Another Walk
Another Dance
with him

I would play a song
that would never ever end
I would love, love, love,
To dance with my father again.
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Name: Jackson
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Re: I just need some help. - April 10th 2010, 02:43 AM

Hey there Aurora. If I may.

Don't hate yourself, if you did something bad then forgive yourself and strive to be a good person from now on.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know the feeling as I have been through it. And right now I also am undergoing a "phase" in a way or something like a phase. But the point being, we go through stuff and don't let such stuff make you want to end your life because it shouldn't rule your life. Don't let your life be determined by stuff which will only hurt you, in your case being I don't know what exactly it is, only you can tell. But think about it and figure out what exactly it is that you are feeling so that you may begin on the road to become better.

What I am going through makes me confused immediately I think about it. Its not the same as what you are going through right now but it is doing the same thing, disturbing me.

Oh and by the way, I care for you, that's why I chose to respond. Because I saw you needed to talk so I came, forgive me for not coming earlier, but it is because I care for you and all the rest who need help on this forum that I came here, so have no worry, I care for you. And by the way your name is beautiful.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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