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ladyninetyfour Offline
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Unhappy Can't Stop Crying - April 14th 2010, 02:15 PM

I don't understand, it isn't fair. I'm doing so well, everybody tells me I'm so much better. I stopped self harming, I'm not suicidal anymore, I eat properly now, I don't talk or think about the bad stuff, if I'm feeling down I ignore it. I'm happy, sort of, happier than I was. I don't go crazy, I don't lose it anymore. And I thought I was amazing. Maybe not.
When all my distractions go away and I'm all alone and theres nothing to take my mind away, everything comes back and I feel like crap. Like this big hole of emptyness, nothing but pain. I've stopped everything, anything thats a display of depression I have stopped. But I can't stop the crying. Especially at night, I cry and cry until I'm so tired from it I fall asleep. I can't stop the crying no matter what I do, and I can't stop feeling crap when everything I've put in place goes away.
My method of getting better, and healing is really putting up a big wall, and sticking all the bad stuff inside a box, but the box keeps opening and my walls built so strong and so high I can't get out and I'm trapped with the box of bad stuff that wont stay shut.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm really better because I don't do anything like self harm anymore. Or if I've stopped all the self harm and lashing out, and stupid antics of depression, and therefore I'm suffering more inside, I just dont notice because of all the "normality" I've put in place. I just don't know. All I know is that I really hurt to the point I can't even remember the exact reason why. I used to know why I hurt, but now I'm confused cuz I've shoved everything bad to one side and I don't touch it anymore so I just hurt and hurt and I don't know why anymore. I just dont know what to do. I just want it all to go away.

Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
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Eljoria Offline
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Re: Can't Stop Crying - April 14th 2010, 02:56 PM

Sometimes the crying leads something that you don't remember. Maybe try to remember things and how the crying started and think of how you can overcome it.

I'm here if you need any more. Just PM Me.


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Kumagoro Offline
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Re: Can't Stop Crying - April 14th 2010, 05:23 PM

Hey there,
First of all, I think you've done really well; it's great that you're eating properly and have stopped self-harming. Shutting away all the bad stuff can help you overcome things for a short while, but it's important to remember that it doesn't make it go away. Ignoring something is all very well and if it stops you from harming your body then that's great, but it can be mentally unhealthy as it can be very hard to keep the box shut like you said.
I don't know whether this will help you personally because I'm not in the same situation as you. But perhaps rather than shutting the bad things away and ignoring them, you should try to accept them or come to terms with it. Remind yourself that you're a strong person; you have bad or painful memories but that's OK because you can deal with it. The bad stuff won't go away but you can fight it with the good stuff and a positive attitude. You don't have to talk about painful memories if you think that won't help, but ignoring it can make things worse because it tends to accumulate and can make you feel very stressed. Try to tackle these bad feelings by thinking positively of all your achievements. Maybe you could make yourself a happy collage or a page of encouraging quotes to keep your spirits up. Remember it's OK to cry, but don't let it get on top of you.
Take care, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk x

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