TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
NIKKI{youthebestest}'s Avatar
 
Name: Nikki
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: NY, concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

Posts: 6
Join Date: March 28th 2010

the truth. - April 18th 2010, 10:55 PM

I'm 13 living the life of a 17 yr old. I like being independent...I'm use to it. But sometimes I just want someone to take care of me. My mom is an alcoholic. She has been my whole life. I've never know what it was like to have a mom. We lived with my grandparents when I was born up to the age of 8. My grandma was the only person I had. My mom was always gone out to bars, take off for weeks or months with random men she met on her outtings. When she was home she was either passed out or drunk. My grandfather was also a drunk. He spent all day out in his barn drinking. He'd come in and sit in his chair till he passed out. Once in awhile he would get in violent rages and my grandma would tell me to go hide in the barn with the cows till she came and got me. Most of the time she would come out with marks all over her. She never once shed a tear tho. She taught me to be strong and not let anyone put me down no matter how much they hurt me to always keep my head up. I tried my hardest to listen to her words after she passed away when I was eight. I was left alone with two drunks. I've learned to take care of myself. It wasn't too hard because I learned alot from my grandma. I did the laundry, dishes, cooked meals, got groceries, wrote out the bills with the money my grandpa got from the government for being in the army. My grandma always used that as an excuse for his drinking. Said he had to see and do alot of horrible things in the war. If I stayed out of my mom and grandpas way I was okay. I had my first smoke with my grandpa when I was nine. He came home when I was in the living room I tried to get up and leave but he told me to sit and pushed me on the couch. He lit two and handed me one. He told me to smoke it. By the time he was done with me I had smoked six and was light headed. I felt so sick. I felt like the room was spinning and I puked. He gave me a shot of vodka after I puked. I passed out after that. He had me smoke with him often after that till it came to the point I was smoking on my own daily. I also started drinking with them. It was the only thing I could do with them and we would all laugh and drink and I felt like we were a family. I knew I shouldnt be doing the things I was at a young age but it was better than being alone all the time. I knew if my grandma could see me she would be so ashamed and disappointed in me...but I couldn't stop. I've been drinking and smoking daily ever since I was nine. I started doing coke at 11 and do it at almost every weekend with friends now. I just started shooting up with it. I went from an A to a D in school. I just dont even know who I am anymore. I just feel like I'm falling and I can't stop myself. I can feel myself caring less and less....doing more and more things I know I shouldn't be...I just don't care anymore...why should I? Why go back to the girl I use to be...miserable...alone...scared...hurt..I don't feel any of that anymore. No one can hurt me if I numb myself. You should see the way my mom looks at me now. She gets so excited when I get home. She yells "there's my party girl" throws her arms around me and hands me a drink. It's like we are two seventeen yr old girls. She wants to be around me when I drink. She is even trying to get a friend to make me a fake ID so when I get to be like 15 we can try to go out together to the bars. I know its wrong but I just don't care anymore. I'd rather die then go back to living like I was. No I'm not truly happy what so ever but in life you have to do what ever it takes to survive. Keep your head up and be strong. And right now the drugs and alcohol are the only thing giving me the strength to go on anymore. When I'm sober I just want to die because the pain is too much.


*He Say Nikki Don't Stop You Da Bestest*
~And I Just Be Coming Off The Top as Bestest~
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
FlyingTrue's Avatar
 
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: United States (FL)

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: March 31st 2010

Re: the truth. - April 19th 2010, 01:53 AM

Thank goodness that you found this forum Nikki. You definitely need to get out of this situation immediately. Contact the police or child protective services. They will put you in the custody of a family that will take care of you and nourish you and also help you recover from the addictions that your family forced you onto. Then you will be a happier person with a brighter future.
  Send a message via Skype™ to FlyingTrue 
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
NIKKI{youthebestest}'s Avatar
 
Name: Nikki
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: NY, concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

Posts: 6
Join Date: March 28th 2010

Re: the truth. - April 19th 2010, 01:58 AM

I just cant bring myself to leave them. I know she can't help what she is doing. She doesn't know any better. She's my mom. She's all I got.


*He Say Nikki Don't Stop You Da Bestest*
~And I Just Be Coming Off The Top as Bestest~
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
FlyingTrue's Avatar
 
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: United States (FL)

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: March 31st 2010

Re: the truth. - April 19th 2010, 02:02 AM

You have to. For your own sake. If your mother was really there for you then this wouldn't be happening right now. You will have someone but you need to make the call.
  Send a message via Skype™ to FlyingTrue 
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Gixxers rock Offline
should now be "VFRs rock"
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Gixxers rock's Avatar
 
Age: 31
Location: Calgary

Posts: 392
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: the truth. - April 19th 2010, 05:31 AM

Well you're right that you can't go back to the life you had. But you aren't going to get anywhere you want to be by leading this one either. Your mum might not know any better, but you do. And as long as you let them control you, you're going to follow the same way. As you said you have a desire to be taken care of and unconsciously you let them get you into their habits because that seemed to be a way of them accepting you as one of them.
That's what I think anyway, but what do I know?

Now all you can do is decide if you are happy where you are with your idea of "family" or if you would rather have something else.


I am the Stig's brother in law.


Race me on Gran Turismo 5 Prologue! My nickname is patrakoffman-64
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
truth

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.