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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Alexx Offline
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Name: Alex
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I'm so alone :( - April 20th 2010, 09:12 PM

My depression seems to have taken this huge turn for the worse, and I'm not entirely sure what to do. I used to think I could talk to people about this but that thought has gone, now. I'm trapped.

I used to tell myself with things like college that it would get better and that I would do better, but I don't even believe that anymore.

Suicide is just huge in my mind, I'm always thinking about it. I'm just sort o waiting for myself to break down. I haven't yet and it's frustrating me. Is that normal?

I overdosed for the first time on paracetamol yesterday. Not an attempt to kill myself - more just.. well.. I don't even know.

Everything is failing so badly, I'm constantly wanting to cry. College is doomed.. I've been asked to start over again next year but I don't even see the point.

Nothing has a point. You know, the thought of suicide used to be only when I was severely unhappy, but now it's just there. I just don't think I'm cut out for life.

I'm not even looking for help anymore. Just waiting for.. something

I don't even know what I'm typing, I'm sorry, I'm just so lost and sort of scared. I'm so sick of being alone. No-one knows anything, except a teacher who doesn't teach me anymore, and two friends.

Oh. Shit. I don't know. I'm due to see my doctor next week. I don't even know what's left to do.
   
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Re: I'm so alone :( - April 20th 2010, 10:53 PM

Hi Alex.

I wish Id have seen this post earlier.

I know exactly how you feel, Its like your lost in the darkness, waiting to see the light.

Suicide like you, is with me all the time, but again, Im just waiting for a breakdown, one I know wont happen.

I figure thats obviously a clue saying you shouldnt commit suicide.

Im glad you didnt commit suicide, because you dont deserve it.

You deserve a happy life.

I think that when you see your doctor next week, you write what you have posted, basically explain what exactly is going on. Dont worry, they are not going to section you, or force medication on you. They just want to talk and understand how you feel.

Dont be scared, and please understand things will get better, just take small steps instead of large ones. Set small daily goals, and when you fullfill them you will feel better.

Like I said, be honest with your doctor or you will be trapped for a longer period than you would do talking to your doctor

Take Care

Jaymi
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Re: I'm so alone :( - April 22nd 2010, 11:50 PM

Alex, I completely understand how you feel. Right now, a happy life seems unfathomable. An unreachable goal. In other words, you're trapped in a world that light cannot penetrate.

But listen to me when I say that there is a way out -- and it's not suicide. I would advise you, as Jaymi said, to write down your feelings and show them to your doctor. You can talk to other people about this problem... and you need to. I was in the same boat as you not too long ago. Not knowing what to do. Feeling trapped. Waiting for... something.

And then I realized that I needed to help myself if I wanted to get better. So I told my guidance counselor at school, and I'm now working with a therapist. While things may not be perfect in my life, they're certainly better than they were. I no longer want to kill myself. I've come to realize that I am much stronger than I previously thought.

I never used to believe people when they said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I scoffed at the idea of depression being a "temporary problem." It seemed to go on forever! Now, however, I see that they're right. Things can get better. But in order for this to happen, you have to seek out help. Sitting and waiting for something that will most likely never come will do you no good, unfortunately.

My heart goes out to you. You deserve so much more than this. Please, I urge you to talk to your doctor -- talk to anybody -- about how you're feeling. It's your ticket to freedom. You will be heard and you will be supported. And most importantly, you are not alone.
   
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