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jackis.. Offline
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Greiving the living - April 21st 2010, 11:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ok, so ive tried to deal with this myself, confiding in hardly anyone, and i need help.

I have not had the best of lives to begin with, bullied untill i was 14, its even difficult to remember my childhood now, not that i wish too. when i was 15 my mum and dad died of cancer, 3 months appart. i seemingly dealt with that fine for 2 years, i didnt cry at their funerals. a year before that we moved to a different part of the country where i had a.. mental breakdown, i wont go into detail, but lets just say i sorted it out.

A friend called louisa helped me when i cracked again after two years of being "happy" (i see now that that was not the case. i just didnt feel alot, numb) she took me in and spent hours calming me down, she was my best friend, we spoke 4-5 hours a night, everything i did, the music i listened too, the choices i made involved her. then just before she went to uni, she told me she would never speak to me again, and to this day she has kept her word.

Its been over 6 months and she still haunts my days and my nights, ive been sleep deprived for weeks now, it only seems to be getting worst. the few people i have left around me are getting worried, i dont want that. but im scared, i cant cope with this. i greived for my parents, they had no choice, there no longer in pain i can deal with that.

I cannot deal with this, she chose to leave, shes alive, miles away and i dont know if she is happy, sad if she needs help. its driving me insane. or driven.

that first mental break i cryed for 2 days and was taken to hospital, but i managed to come up with ideas in my mind to deal with questions that a 15 year old should not be asking themselves.

But this eludes me, this is killing me


help me
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lonely.boy Offline
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Re: Greiving the living - April 22nd 2010, 01:40 AM

I know how you feel, to know a person and want to be with that person but at the same time you can't, it really feels like grieving, except the person is alive and you know how to find her/him.
You need to reunite all your strengths, the ones you got for going through all of your problems and try to keep moving on with you life and you can't focus and create your life around just one person. I know this is difficult to do and easy to say, but it's not impossible and you have to keep that in mind, that's what i have been doing. If you can,try and meet new people and make new friends, being around new friends and different environments can be helpful.
Good luck with everything and i know you will be ok
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Nomophobia Offline
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Re: Greiving the living - April 22nd 2010, 09:59 AM

Hey Im in a similar situation, grieving for a living friend because I can't see her. its driving me mad! I didnt even know it was possible to grieve for the living, but thanks for making me realise it is possible and I'm not alone!

"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
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