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Imaginary Offline
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I hate getting older. - April 26th 2010, 02:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've never liked it. My mother used to tell me that I should cherish my childhood. I tried. But I was too depressed to even do that. I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night because I couldn't stand being alive and aging into something that was as depressed as my mother (I was 6 when this started). I get this way every year, but this year it's just gotten worse. I don't have any friends to distract me from the feeling of being dragged towards a death I have no control over. A death I would accept as something not to be feared, but then I would grow to worship the idea, pray that I could get there sooner.

I'm turning 17 tomorrow. My mother laughs and rolls her eyes when I tell her my feelings about it, even though she knows how depressed and fragile I am. It's inevitable yes. Every ages, that doesn't mean I have to relish it. I am growing more insignificant by the day, and soon I won't even have my youthful inexperience to shield me from that realization that I truly am dispensable. I don't want to grow old. I can't do any of the things that are associated with getting older, like driving, partying, and romance. A) because of my general indifference and B) because of my crippling fear of being around other people. I'm too sensitive. I pick up too many things.

Oh well. Happy Birthday to me I suppose. I only have a few more years left until I die anyway; I don't know why having awareness that life is short is a good thing. It hasn't done shit for me. I am always aware that I could and will die very soon. It keeps me from enjoying anything.

Quite frankly, after writing this down, it still doesnít seem right. I donít really understand my fear of aging. I guess irrelevance phobia.

myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
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Trickmatic Offline
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Re: I hate getting older. - April 26th 2010, 08:11 AM

Hey there, and happy birthday

The fear of being insignificant is something that is fairly common in people. This fear of aging that you've been having - I think that it would be a good idea to see a therapist about this fear along with your insecurities of significance if you haven't already. You might be able to find out the reasons behind this fear and take action to overcome the fear. Having a therapist will help you organize your thoughts and make sense of the situation and to help you focus on making positive thoughts such as having control of your life and welcoming what is to come in the future. With the positive thinking, you'll be able to focus your mind about the positive things you want out of life and how to achieve them. It takes a lot of work and practice, but it definitely helps out. There are things you can do on your own to help out your cause. Makes goals such as talking to one person a day. It may seem challenging at first, but it will help you overcome your fears and give you more confidence.

You have the power to change your feelings :] If you need any help or support at all, you can PM me.
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Re: I hate getting older. - April 26th 2010, 10:24 AM

Getting older can seem scary, I just turned 18 a few weeks ago so I know how you feel. But really if you think about it you are just starting your life. Obviously you have been really depressed with the cards life has given you, but turning seventeen you're going to be moving out of the house soon, possibly going on to college, and starting your life. High school are not the best years of anyones life today. Even though you hate the idea, thinking of the future might help you hold on for the present time.

Eventually you will meet better friends who will help you with the way you are feeling. I am sorry your Mom doesen't try and understand your true emotions, and I agree with Trickmatic that a therapist or guidance counsoler could help a lot. Although a lot of people are afraid of going to them, it can really make a huge difference in your life.
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