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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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ILoveYouDear Offline
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Unhappy Suicidal thoughts - April 26th 2010, 04:29 AM

Well I keep having uncontrollable suicidal thoughts and they wont go away no matter how much i try, I'm already on medication, antidepressants called CeleXA but it isnt working. I keep thinking about killing myself and i badly want to. My one friend keeps telling me about all the negatives that can happen if i do kill myself but these thoughts just wont go away. I want to die, i want to be not alive.

I've been in a mental ward of a hospital but it didnt work since my insurance company made me get out before i was supposed to get out. It didnt help since i even lied to them because i wanted out of that hell hole. I didnt want their help. My best friend made me go to our guidance counselor and she told him that i cut and she did too (i hate her for this) and he sent me to the hospital since my cuts were way worse than hers, mine were deeper and I had more of them. I dont want to be trapped in a ward with mental patients and not able to contact my best friends or play video games.

One of my friends lectured me about all the bad things that will happen since she already lost someone because they cut their wrists and killed themselves. She almost made me start crying when she said that if i died she would cry every moment of her life and she would hate herself and feel like its her fault and she'd cut herself. There is no way in hell she'd deserve that. She's too good to be a friend of mine, I'm a corrupt lunatic.

I am an awful person and I know i need help but i dont want to be helped in fear that i will get looked down upon by my family who already hates me. I dont want to live, i dont want to breathe, i dont want to have a pulse. My uncle's girlfriend is the most supportive out of any of them, she gave me her number to call if i want to talk about anything but i cant talk to her, I'd feel like i'm just burdening her with my life. I dont want to live, I just want to die, its inevitable anyway so why not just speed up the process? I'm not a strong person, I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically weak. How can i stop from having these thoughts and feelings? I dotn want to feel like this anymore and i just want to be happy again and my medicine isnto working at all, it only makes me irritable and angry and i'd rather be sad then angry. Please help, i need advice. D;


Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.-Anonymous


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lost_soul Offline
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Re: Suicidal thoughts - April 26th 2010, 07:02 AM

Hi there,

It sounds like you're really struggling right now.
It's hard having suicidal thoughts, especially when they're constantly on your mind and the temptation just grows and grows. You have to remember that your life really is worth living though, no matter how hard it seems, no matter how hopeless life feels, there's something out there to live for. There's an upside to every story, and there's an upside to your own story too. You just have to hold on to your life and get through this.

It sounds as though you really need to talk to someone. You mentioned that your uncle's girlfriend was supportive. You shouldn't feel as though you're burdening you, she's offered to help, and reaching out for help is the strongest thing you can do and the best thing for yourself right now. I think you should have a chat to her, it will make you feel better as you won't feel so alone and you'll have someone to turn to when things get really bad.

Best of luck,
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-Amy.


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