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EmmyJ Offline
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Scared, upset and just cut for the first time - May 2nd 2010, 09:26 AM

I'm hurting really bad. So much to the point that I just cut for the first time. Admittedly, it's only a small cut and not deep at all. I was in the bathroom and using a razor. The minute I saw the blood I freaked out and put the razor away. I'm still hurting on the inside though, I'd rather feel more of this physical pain than this emotional pain I'm going through right now. I'd even rather just be dead... I'm scared though. Scared out of my mind. I don't want to be hurting myself... I don't want to end up killing myself, but I really can't take this this pain much longer, if at all. I talked to my parents about having suicidal thoughts at one point and their response was "That's not an option or funny to joke about." I told them I wasn't joking and all they said was "Again, that's not a way out of your problems." But it seems like the only way out. I feel like they think I'm just trying to get attention, which I'm not. I'm really scared, I haven't had good sleep because of nightmares for almost 2 weeks now, these were caused by an assembly at school on drunk driving. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about them my mom always says "I'm sorry, but I can't do anything." or "Well whenever I check up on you when you're asleep you aren't saying anything or moving around." I always just say "I don't do that with nightmares." She'll just say "Well most people do." I'm not most people though! I'm a person that's scared, hurting and needs some serious help! I have no idea what I could do in this situation. Please... I just want some help. I'm scared I'm going to end up wanting to die more than wanting to live. I scared of everything right now.
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Re: Scared, upset and just cut for the first time - May 2nd 2010, 09:46 AM

Hey there.

I'm sorry to hear things aren't so good for you right now, and I'm sorry to hear you've started cutting yourself.

The thing you have to realise is that cutting yourself won't help in the long run. It won't take away your pain or fix your problems. There are things you can do to stop hurting yourself. There are distractions, for example, or you could try talking to someone about how you feel.

Since your parents haven't reacted well to your concerns, is there someone else you can talk to? A friend, teacher, other family member, anyone? There are so many people who would want to, and can, help you, so please do the strong thing and reach out to them like you have to us.

You deserve help, and you deserve to feel so much better than this.

Feel free to PM me.
Take care.

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Re: Scared, upset and just cut for the first time - May 2nd 2010, 01:05 PM


I’m sorry to hear that you started cutting. Although you are really hurting at the moment and are struggling to cope it sounds like cutting is not something you want to use as a way to manage your feelings. I think that it is important that you find other coping mechanisms before cutting takes over and becomes a part of your life.

You say you’re hurting on the inside and want the pain to be more physical than emotional but self harming is not a healthy way to manage your feelings. I think that it would be helpful to talk to someone about how you’re feeling as this may help and it’s better than bottling things up. Maybe you could try talking to someone like a teacher, friend or doctor. It was really brave to talk to your parents about how you are feeling and it’s sad that they didn’t react in a helpful way, however they may not know what to do.

Try not to worry about things because as long as you are determined that you don’t want to hurt yourself again then you should be able to sort things out before they progress.

Good luck with everything and if you ever want to talk then PM me.

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Re: Scared, upset and just cut for the first time - May 2nd 2010, 01:30 PM

hey there,

with a situation of your kind there are many different ways to handle this big problem, yours parents at this moment aint taking you serious and to prove that your serious you decide to cut your self, wellz cutting yourself aint who your are, if your scared of what your during the you already know that its wrong. you can go to your school counselor and inform her about your thoughts of suicide because there is medication for this that you are able to take and when holding all your emotions within your self will just push you over the top and possibly death, you opened up to your parents but if they dont help you you need to take it upon your self and ask others for help... the first step is to stop cutting yourself second step is to inform a adult that is older than 21 years old and will understand you someone close to you...
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Re: Scared, upset and just cut for the first time - May 3rd 2010, 06:57 AM

Hey sweetie. I know precisely the situation you're in. I was there only a few months ago myself. My sister, like your mom, wasn't taking me seriously and I too started cutting. I remember vividly what it's like to be scared and to not know what to do in this situation.

So here's my advice to you. Find away to make you mom take you serious. This doesn't mean you necessarily have to show her your cuts or anything, but make her realize that you're serious about your emotions. It sounds like your mom does really care about you, so just sit her down to have a conversation. Let her know that you've got something serious you need to say. Tell her you're scared and don't know how to deal with what you're feeling. Tell her again you'd rather be dead, and if she says, "That's not something to joke about," again, then just keep telling her. Tell her again immediately, don't wait to bring it up. If you keep on the subject it's the only way she'll take you seriously. You don't have to get into an argument about it either. I had a calm and rational conversation with my sister a few weeks ago and we actually got closer to understanding each other.

I hope this helps. I don't ever want to hear that other people feel this way, but it's a fact of life. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me at any time. I'm on here every day, so I will respond quickly.


R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.

"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
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