Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ladyninetyfour Offline
<3 Utterly Invincible <3
Regular TeenHelper
ladyninetyfour's Avatar
Name: Bex
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Spalding, England

Posts: 427
Blog Entries: 7
Join Date: July 17th 2009

Half Empty - May 18th 2010, 07:45 PM

So I'm better now.
I've gone from wanting to kill myself every minute of every day to thinking about on the rare occasion, when something really bad happens, and deciding it's the stupidest thing to do cuz it wouldn't solve anything.
I've gone from starving myself and throwing up the things I do eat, to eating normally to the point my BMI is 2 over what I want it to be (but still healthy), and skipping meals only when I've freaked out immensely.
I've gone from self-harming several times a week to not once since 03/08/09.
I've gone from getting drunk on the streets, to having a few drinks round my mates while socialising.
I've gone from jumping from boy to boy and not doing anything about the abuse I was recieving, to not dating at all and avoiding getting into any difficult situations with boys.
I've gone from flipping out and acting crazy and violent, to flipping out on the occasion and crying instead.
So I've pretty much removed the symptoms, so I'm better right?
So wrong.
I mean, I'm happier these days. So much happier. I really smile and laugh these days rather than the stupid fake "I'm hiding behind this mask" smiles I used to give. My life has got so much better, no more abuse, no more bullies, I'm not beating myself up so much, I don't feel dirty anymore, I don't hate myself.
But I'm only happy while I'm distracted - while there's no reminder of what I've been through, the past, the things I've done - while there's someone with me to talk to.
When I'm alone not doing anything, everything comes flooding back. I remind myself about how good my life is now, I remind myself of the great future I have and that usually makes it better. I can shrug it off, it's the past.
But now one of my best guy friends hates me because I was a colossal idiot. I made some of the worst mistakes since I was six. I've lost him forever. My best girl friend is on study leave. And I don't see my other best guy friend much. So that makes everything so much more real.
I try not to cry, I try not to talk about those things that hurt me anymore, I try to block it all out and be happy.
But I feel so empty and shit at the moment. I've been feeling the tiniest bit suicidal lately. I've been dismissing those feelings because I know now that suicide won't solve anything. But I still feel the suicidal thoughts. I still feel lonely and empty and awful... I need some sort of help. I don't mean like proffessional help - I have a psychologist. I need some other kind of help. Like some sort of self help / TLC / etc... I don't know... I just want to feel better... I want my friend back, I wish I hadn't been so stupid, I wish he didn't hate me. I want to feel completely me again, I feel half of me which is better than I used to feel, but I want to be completely me... I want to feel better.

Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox

Last SH: 03/08/09
  Send a message via MSN to ladyninetyfour  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
rainbownikki Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
rainbownikki's Avatar
Name: nikki
Gender: Female
Location: lancaster south carolina

Posts: 37
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: April 2nd 2010

Re: Half Empty - May 18th 2010, 09:30 PM

only u can feel the emptyness of your heart,mind and soul. because only you have the power

taste the rainbow, climb the arch, and feel better when you slide down to the pot of gold.
Closed Thread


empty, half

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.