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Unsure what to do. - May 20th 2010, 09:29 AM

Lately, it seems I'm falling back into that pit of despair, and I'm finding it super hard to cope. I know 95% of my problem lies in the fact I lack in the medical treatment of my imbalance, as I only have like 40 Anti depressants, and I'm taking them WHEN I feel the need to, and the fact that I should be seeing a professional for some therapy, but unfortunately I can't afford it, nor can my mother, and the lack of jobs in the area I live in (Which is somewhere between in the sticks, and the middle of nowhere) have cramped my choices next to none.

Every day I wake up, trying to convince myself that yes, there is something indeed worth living for and I know there is, It's just one of those daily demons I face. And that fact that a friend has referenced me here has done a lot for me and my self confidence, which I totally lack in. But I get set back like every second or third day. There is so many triggers in the current province I live in, I just feel like packing up some cloths and ditching it all together. Not the smartest move, but I want/ need to get by with having to face these set backs.

I know slip backs are normal and are expected but, since I moved from my fathers place to my mothers, which has been close to four months, its been constant trigger after trigger. It was the same at my fathers, only daily. Should I leave the current province I'm in right now so i can get back on my feet, and get my head on straight? OR would I be making the biggest mistake of my life? (Just so you know, I am 6'4" [edited by Katrina: no weight figures, please!]. I'm not worried about getting jumped or mugged, cause I wont have much to begin with, and I can handle myself.)

Each Day I ponder this, I think I know the answer. I just want to live a life without the BS stuff creeping and haunting the back of my mind. I want to be able to think and act without having to do with a almost forgotten memory that I regret. Anywayz, I shall go to sleepz nows.

Last edited by Katrina; May 20th 2010 at 11:39 AM.
   
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Re: Unsure what to do. - May 20th 2010, 11:58 AM

Good morning, Justin.

I say that because hopefully it IS a good morning. As I'm sure you realize or have found out by now, nights are typically harder than mornings, in terms of coping. So, if you're reading this - give yourself a pat on the back...you made it through last night on into this morning, and that's big, particularly if last night was one of "those nights." You know what I mean. (:

To be honest with you, I think you should hardcore style start looking for a job. I know that's about the last thing most other people would suggest, but it really sounds to me like you need some stability in your life. I once talked to someone else in a similar situation, and I about preached til the cows came home about getting a job. I know you mentioned living in the middle of nowhere, but even if it's a 15-20 minute commute that you'll have to do, I think it will be worth it. Look into it! There's no reason not to try, right?

As far as the medication goes, yes, I imagine that in order for it to be effective and help you, you'd have to take it everyday or however much your doctor prescribed it. Without doing that, it'll only help in small spurts and may not even help at all. Getting a job would also help you be able to pay for your medication, which is another huge plus!

I honestly have no idea what I think you should do in terms of staying where you are or packing up and leaving. If you stay where you are, do you think you'll just perpetually be unhappy? Do you KNOW this? If you get up and leave, I don't suppose you'll really know what will happen, but I think you need to have a good solid bank account of funds before you just up and leave, and try to make it on your own with no place to stay or no food or anything like that - because that could be super tough!

Regardless of what decision you make, I hope it works out for you.



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Re: Unsure what to do. - May 21st 2010, 03:23 AM

Justin, I know the hopeless feeling.

However, if your mom is willing to take you, you may find the List of Nova Scotia's CMHA Centres useful. The Canadian Mental Health Association, I'm pretty sure, will give you free therapy, at least for a limited time. I asked them about it before and I THINK thats what they said. Maybe find the location nearest you and e-mail or call them, ask about assistance? They can even help you find a job, since you're diagnosed with Depression.

Hopefully that helps.
   
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