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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
Purr Purr Purr.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jessie
Age: 25
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Getting out of depression. - May 25th 2010, 11:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey guys.

I need some help. Things are pretty messed up right now, after my mum OD a few weeks back and was in hospital for a few weeks, and my sister OD last week and my mum OD again yesterday and has been admitted into a psych ward for 48 hours.

Im suicidal. Ive OD before. Im planning, ive got a date, to OD again. The truth is, maybe i dont really want to die, but right now, i just dont really want to live either. I know ive got to help myself and i know i have to try, and i swear down, im trying so hard, but ive gotten to the point where i just cant see the point in trying. Everyday cutting and purging, getting pills, keeps me going. Its keeping me alive. But im scared that ima going to go to far and im not sure how to stop myself.

Theres been so much talk about me being admitted into the pysch unit i was in, but i cant face that again. I know i should talk to someone, but i cant build up the courage, yet i wanna try get myself out of this before the date arrives because i wanna be able to say ive tried. Because part of me does want to beat this, but then theres the complete other side where i just want to complelty give in.

I want to sto. Right now, i want to stop. Just stop. I want to lay down and give in, and im scared about even getting through the night. I just dont know what i am suppose to do, what i am expected to do.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Fading Light. Offline
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Re: Getting out of depression. - May 28th 2010, 10:52 AM

Hey Jessica.

I know I can't fully understand what you're going through, but I can imagine how hard things are for you right now.

When you get to the point where you can't see the point in trying, that's when you have to fight the hardest to break free from your negative thoughts. It will be hard, and take a lot of strength, but you know what? You can do it.

You've already taken the first step - posting here. That shows you still want help, and I'm glad to hear you know that. I know you don't want to talk to someone, but that's really the best thing to do. And I think, deep down, you know that too.

You say you've got a date - how about making alternative plans on that date? Arrange to go out with friends or something, anything to keep you busy so you won't OD.

It sounds as if you feel like self-harm is the only thing keeping you going. I know how that feels, but I also know that even when you're self-harming daily, or several times a day, it's possible to replace that self-harm with something more healthy, and to be okay without it. Instead of focussing your thoughts on self-harm, or even actively on not self-harming, try and occupy your time with something else. I know this may sound silly, but now might be a good time to, if you can, spend some time with hobbies you enjoy. Find things you're passionate about, that you love, and that feel like enough to keep you going.

You're strong, and you can get through this. I wish you all the best. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. xx

if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
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Name: Anna
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Re: Getting out of depression. - May 28th 2010, 06:42 PM

Hey Jess... (I know this is late but in some ways will probably still apply?)

Firstly I want to say that all that has happened. And you are still here. Alright? You have had the strength to get through so many nights like this. So, you can get through another. And another. And another. I know how hard it is. But, we can do this together.. Yes? We will do it together.

You are inspiring to so many others, you have been through all this and you are still here, still fighting, still hoping. Hold on to that hope, because its what will pull you through. As Mrs Jaines said the other day, you will look back on this in the future and realise how strong you were. And it's true. You are amazingly strong.

I think you need to tell Jennifer, tell her about the date. She is there to help you alright? She cares about you and wants to help. But she can only help if you tell her exactly what you are thinking or planning. If she knows about the date, she can help you through and provide extra support around the date. I know you don't want to Jess, but can you get rid of the pills? Or at least some of them? For me.

You say you don't want to die, I believe you. You just don't want to feel like this. And gorgeous, you won't do forever. I can promise you that. You have people around you who want to help and I know you want them too. So try? Let them in, when you are feeling really low one night - how about writing a letter to Jennifer? So she knows how you are feeling when you feel so low. That way, she may be able to tackle the problems easier, and work out a way to keep you safe then?

I hate saying this, I really do. But, if the SH is what is keeping you alive right now, you need to keep yourself alive. Keep yourself with it day to day and then help will happen, not overnight but you need to give it a chance, and I know you want too. Try to use the distractions from the Alternative Thread as much as you can, they are healthier and are much better than cutting. And, you know you can always text me as much as you need and when you need it.

You are so strong and you can beat this.

I love you Jess.

You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
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