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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Anya_Bananya Offline
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Name: Anna
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Question Depression, Counselors, and questions - May 26th 2010, 11:01 PM

So, I realized many years ago I had a problem with cutting. I attempted to stop, but was never successful. Then I realized that I was cutting because I was really depressed. I started college 4 years ago and knew there was a counselor on campus who was free, that I could go to. But I was terrified that if I told her everything that was bothering me she would think I was a complete loony and tell the school that I needed to be asked ot leave the school because I was a liablity or whatever. I got up the courage to see her once freshmen year, and just asked about how I could help a friend. Then I went back once during Sophomore year and asked for advice on how to help my mom. Junior year I didn't go at all. The beginning of senior year I realized that I really, really needed to talk to someone who could help me. SO, the second week of classes, I went up to see her, Susan is her name. She was very kind and understanding and patient with me. I really didn't tell her much about myself that first visit but did ask for help being authentic. We worked on that for weeks and then one day I made up my mind to tell her about the cutting, depression, suicidal feelings and other things. She listened as I read from my journal....when I was done she really didn't say much except that she was proud of me for sharing all that i had. I felt so awkward going back up there the next week. I ahd to fight the urge to not go. Anyhow, I've seen her for a whole year now, once a week, every week. I've revealed to her more than I thought I could. I sometimes feel better, but there is still something inside of me that seems wrong. I'm still depressed. I still feel suicidal more frequently than could possibly be normal. But each time I go talk with Susan, we just don't seem to go over anything that is helpful to me. I don't know what I need, what would be helpful but it seems she doesn't either.

Is it normal to hit a point where the counselor doesn't know where to go next? Am I supposed to come up with something that I need to deal with? I don't think there is anything else about me that i could tell her, but I still feel as though very little has been resolved. I'm frustrated, but I don't want to stop seeing Susan because I finally trust her and it took me 4 years to build up that trust. How on earth would I build up trust in someone else if I ever quit seeing her?

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else had some advice on this matter.
thanks,
~Anna~


"Every day is new, there are no mistakes in it yet." - Miss Stacy, Anne of Green Gables


"Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tide" -Garth Brooks
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Re: Depression, Counselors, and questions - May 27th 2010, 02:04 AM

Anna,
Im sorry that I dont really have much advice on how you and your counselor can get past this road block....but what I wanted to share with you is that I think this is pretty normal. I have personally had a lot of trouble with continuously seeing a counselor like that too- like I go but I feel like I dont get too much out of it. I always feel like I have to have a problem to talk about and when I dont have a problem I feel like therapy is just a waste of my time and my therapist's time. But I dont want to stop going because sometimes I do have an issue that I want to talk about.
I wish that I had advice for you on what you can do especially because you are still struggling with your depression. Have you ever looked into group therapy or art therapy or something else to add on top of individual therapy? I know that for me I personally prefer group therapy and art therapy. I feel like I get more out of it than just doing individual therapy. I wouldnt stop seeing your counselor, but maybe you can add something that will help you. Again Im sorry that I wasnt that much help, I just wanted to let you know that your not alone in what you are going through.
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Anya_Bananya Offline
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Re: Depression, Counselors, and questions - May 28th 2010, 02:01 AM

Hey Karyn,
thanks for your reply. You actually were helpful, its good to know that the road block is normal. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to go if I don't have a problem to talk about but not wanting to stop because I may want to talk soon because a problem will probably come up soon.

I'm really a very privet person so the idea of group therapy is slightly terrifying, but I'll look into the idea of art therapy...that might be a good thing.

Anyway, thanks again.
~A~


"Every day is new, there are no mistakes in it yet." - Miss Stacy, Anne of Green Gables


"Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tide" -Garth Brooks
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