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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
facade Offline
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how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 05:15 AM

well, i dont know if a thread like this has been made or not, it probably has, but im too lazy to go looking :P.

well, depression.
how'd you tell your parents...?

i dont think i could ever just sit down with them and tell them.
my mom once found out ive thought about suicide..
and she came home.. crying..
and i dont think i can handle that... again.

so i was wondering how or if you ever told your parents?
and if you didnt tell your parents... how are you today?
how did you get through it...?
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 07:06 AM

I never told my parents. I went talked to my friends and people online about what was troubling me. I still have occasional thoughts of suicide but even when I think about it I know I'll never do it. I feel it takes more courage to keep living... Without the bad times that happen one would never appreciate the good and without the bad there would never be good. Just remember that it may be sad, upsetting, bad, depression, ect. now but later on you'll be past it and be happy or content and be glad you stayed.

Another thing that sort of gave me a kick in the pants is I had a friend that died (or killed himself) last year four days after my birthday. I was arguing with him and never got to say sorry or anything. He even reached out to me but at the time I didn't know that's what he was doing.

Even though it may seem like nobody cares right now the truth is there's always at least one person who does. Try to find someone or something that you feel is worth living for. That's what helped me out most and if it's a person and they are the right person they'll want to help you as much as they can.

Good luck and just hang in there. If you need to talk then you can talk to me, I'll try to help as much as I can. I know I may not be the best person but at least I'm someone that you can let it all out to and I'll try to help.
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 07:11 AM

I personally had a very difficult time when it came to telling my parents. Before my parents knew anything I was just talking to a friend about stuff. My friend ended up telling her mom who is friends with my mom because she was worried. My mom asked me about it but I didnt want anyone to know so I lied and said that I was fine (when I was far from it). That happened a few times. Then I went to get my physical for school over the summer and the doctor asked me about depression and I was able to tell her that yes I was feeling depressed. She asked if she could tell my mom so I said yes. So the dr brought my mom in and told her and suggested taking me to a therapist. Well my mom never took me and I even had the courage to remind her one time and she still did not make an appointment for me. I was very suicidal at that point and I had a friend who I emailed and told everything to. At the end of the summer, my mom became worried and she ended up going onto my email account and she read all the emails. She then came to my room and told me I had an emergency appointment to see someone. I was furious to say the least. At the appointment, I didnt talk because I was mad, depressed, and anxious. The therapist then told my mom that I was too far gone for her to help me and that I needed to go to the ER to go to the Crisis Intervention center. So it wasnt until I was in the hospital waiting to be sent to a psychiatric hospital that both my parents knew what was going on to some extent.
So for me, I never had the courage to sit my parents down to tell them what was going on. Every time, I was sent to a psychiatric hospital and from there my parents knew what was going on. I wish that I could have spoken up because things may have gone completely different than they did.
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 09:55 AM

I just told them 'I want to die. I don't see any point in living anymore. I hurt too much.' They didn't really know what to do. They wanted me to get therapy but wouldn't force it on me.

My dad constantly told me 'don't give up because it gets better.' I didn't tell them the extent of it though. I didn't tell them that I actually made plans or whatever but it was enough.

I think you should just tell them. They may hurt, they may cry but in the end they would hurt more if they knew that you were struggling and didn't go to them for help. Parents love their kids and want to to do all they can to help them. When a parent finds out their child thinks about suicide it is hard to deal with because it doesn't always make sense. They wonder if they made mistakes along the way and they know there is no quick fix.

But in the end they would rather know about your depression and suicidal thoughts.

Do you think writing them a letter would be easier? Just explain it all to them and go from there? Maybe once you write it you can read it to them or give it to them before school or something. Sometimes letter writing can be really helpful because you get all your feelings out without feeling the need to censor it.

Don't keep this a secret though because secrets are what keep us down.

If you need anything feel free to pm me.

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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 12:46 PM

if you want them to know,just tell them.parents should know everything by my thought.
my mom knows everything about the feelings i have through the day.some stuff i mostly keep to myself.its not the depression stuff.
the thing thats mostly important is that you have someone to talk to.
it can be anyone at all.from the family,any real life or online friend,or just hire a shrink.no shame,just saying.

if you want a friend,im here.by PM. hope you get better!


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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 01:10 PM

I was breaking down a lot, and unable to function a lot of mornings e.g not even being able to get myself out to school. They were getting angry at me, so I eventually decided to tell them what was going on. I told my mom, because I'm closer to her. I told her that I was really sad all the time and finding it very hard to cope. She took it well and within two weeks I was in therapy, and have been there since. It's helped me a lot and it was definitely worth getting up the courage to tell them.
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 04:16 PM

My parents don't know but.. I think that's a HUGE regret of mine. Hardly anyone knows about my depression/anxiety and, whilst it didn't used to be a problem, now it is a problem because I feel so suicidal half the time, and I'm in tears, and I just want help but don't know who to tell.

A couple of years ago, my parents found out through my teacher that I self-harmed. They were upset, and confused, and I genuinely mistook that for anger! I was so angry, I thought they were, but now I look at it, they actually weren't! They looked it up on the internet and spoke to my teachers about it, and tried to understand it and tried to talk to me about it, but I sort of threw it in their face and said that I was just trying it out and it was stupid and I don't do it anymore.

I think you're really brave if you do tell your parents. Not because it's a stupid move or anything, because it definitely isn't! But it is definitely a hard one.

But I think, if I were to tell my parents now what I'm going through, I'd just take a deep breath and tell my mum or something. And explain and not get angry, and answer any questions she answered (giving enough information as I felt comfortable giving).

I hope you do tell them. My friends have told me it's such a relief their parents know.
Good luck if you do! Feel free to pm me if you need anything. ♥
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 04:29 PM

I didnt tell my parents. They were the ones who made me see a therapist. They made me se one because they thought my behaviour was strange (I was 6)

Then later on, it was actually my school that told my parents to speak to a therapist about me (again).


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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 04:37 PM

I never straight-out told my parents. My doctor told my mother, and nothing was said of it again. To be honest it's more a personality fault of hers; she can't really handle the idea of depression and is under the delusion that life is "perfect" until you hit the age of 18. Add to that the fact I don't talk to my parents about ANYTHING, and you can see where the problem lies. I do wish I had had a parent,or a close adult there to support me though. It would have made a big difference.
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Re: how did you tell them? - May 29th 2010, 08:00 PM

Well, after I managed to tell my mum about my social anxiety, I found it a bit easier to talk to her about it. I just told her that social anxiety is very highly corelated with depression, and that I had been showing most of the symptoms, although I didn't tell her till my second or third episode. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with moderate-severe depression a little while later. I'm so thankful that my mum is so supportive of me, and is always there for me if I need to talk to her.
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - June 1st 2010, 02:32 AM

I have never tell my parents about me being depressed. only my sister knows, my mom suffered from depression herself and i dont have the guts to tell her.



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Re: how did you tell them? - June 1st 2010, 03:29 AM

I didn't tell them, they read my journal, I'm supposed to begin therapy soon, because my doctor recommend therapy when they took me to see him not to long ago.
If I were you, I'd tell them in a letter, that way you don't have to be around when they read it, they will definitely be concerned and worry about you for a while, but eventually, they will accept the fact that your depressed. There is nothing wrong with depression, it's really comon and you shouldn't be ashamed to approach them about it. They might ask you lots of questions, remind you over and over that you can come to them if you need to and some other things.
I hope you succeed at telling them, I wish I had the courage to tell them because I was very, very angry after finding out that someone else had gone and told my secrets without me knowing they knew about them.
You telling them might be scary, but I know you can do it.


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Re: how did you tell them? - June 1st 2010, 09:01 AM

I didn't tell my parents. The head of student services at school told my mother after a teacher reported that I was self-harming. It was extremely hard at first; my mom just didn't understand. She yelled at me. We fought. We stopped talking for a bit until we were ready to approach each other again. Now, I think she's actually starting to see how much she hurt me and how her actions were affecting me. (Part of my self-harm and depression stems from her and dad's verbal and physical abuse.) She seems to have been making a really good effort to stop and be there for me more. So I guess I'm glad she knows now. If she never found out, our relationship would probably still be on its way to the grave. It's a work-in-progress, but I think it has potential.

My dad still doesn't know. He most likely never will. I just can't see him ever understanding, for reasons that I'm not going to go into right now.

Like others have said, maybe you could try writing your parents a letter about how you feel. Give it time to sink in; it may be shocking to them. The important thing is to take it at your own pace. Only disclose as much information as you feel comfortable with at first. See how they react. Then, if you want to talk about it more, do so.

Telling them may be a frightening prospect, but you can do it! You'll probably find it to be a great relief!
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - June 1st 2010, 10:25 PM

I still haven't told my parents, or anyone (only on here and one other person that is depressed also) and I wish I could because I have no one to talk to.
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - June 1st 2010, 10:30 PM

i wish with all my heart i could tell my parents about my recent struggles. but i'm not strong enough at the moment. they've known about stuff in the past (i ended up going into the hospital), but i don't think i could cause them that amount of pain again. i hope that anyone is able to tell their parents, because it's so nice to have that support. hopefully i'll be able to do the same at some point
   
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Re: how did you tell them? - June 13th 2010, 07:22 AM

Ive never told my parents. They actually think I'm happy, thats the worst thing, but if I told them, they'd think it was just a phase or somethin stupid. Thats nowhere near as bad as my friends who made fun of me and told everybody though. Just pray that doesnt happen.
   
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