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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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don't want to be in this spot - June 2nd 2010, 07:45 PM

i never thought that i'd be back in this spot again. having suicidal thoughts. i know that i don't want to die, it's just that i don't know how to live like this anymore. i want to be healthy, i want to like myself, my body, my actions, but all i feel is hate. i don't know what to do. self-harm and restricting have always been there before in the past, but now i feel guilty doing those things to. i just don't want to feel like this anymore. i just want to sleep for weeks. i'm seeing my therapist tomorrow, but i'm scared to tell her this. i'm just not sure what her reaction would be.

i guess i'm scared that she would bring up hospitilization. i obviously am not taking care of myself right now, and am at risk, but i just am so scared. i guess i just need some support/guidance. because my seemingly only option (suicide) isn't something that i want. but i do...

srry for rambling
   
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Re: don't want to be in this spot - June 2nd 2010, 10:04 PM

You really should tell your therapist about your thoughts. She might even put you in an out-patient program if you feel like you're not a complete risk for suicide, which would be preferable to the hospital.
   
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Re: don't want to be in this spot - June 2nd 2010, 10:43 PM

I know people often will think that they will be judged if they tell somebody, but your therapist is obviously a trained professional. It might surprise her, but I'm sure she will react in a very professional manner. I also think you should tell your therapist, because if she doesn't know, then she won't know what can be worked on.


"Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven" -Tears in Heaven: Eric Clapton
   
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Re: don't want to be in this spot - June 4th 2010, 02:19 AM

i told her today, and she didn't have a bad reaction, which was nice. i promised her that i would call her if i started feeling too low. thank u guys
   
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