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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My shyness is making me want to hurt myself. - June 11th 2010, 04:47 AM

I wasn't really sure where to put this, so I decided to put it here because this is a HUGE part of my suicidleness and depression. So it'll probably be moved. It's really long too, just to warn ya. So here it goes.

I have bad issues with being too shy, which is sad because I'm part of the theater/acting world now, and since I love acting, I'm totally fine when I'm on stage, but off stage, I have trouble getting the courage to even say hi to someone. It makes me seem like I'm weird or that I'm a bitch. It's literally ruining my life. I'm so alone. I only have a few close friends that I'm so lucky actually waited for me to start opening up to them. If I know someone for a while, I tend to not be so shy, but no one is willing to wait for that. It's one of the many issues in my life that has led me to self abuse, and ultimately wanting to kill myself. It just hurts, because there are people that I secretly love but I know they'll never even like me because to them I'm just that "really quiet weird girl that's scared of everyone" or "that girl that thinks she's to good for us so she doesn't talk to us". It seems like there's no end to this. People just say, "You can just walk into that party and pretend to not be shy", blah blah blah. But what they don't understand is I can't! I'm not afraid of people, I think I'm just afraid of what they'll think of me. Because truly, I despise myself, and I don't understand how anyone can love me. Is there any way I can get over my shyness? Does anyone else have these problems? If so, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks if you actually read this whole random long thread. Please help me.
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Re: My shyness is making me want to hurt myself. - June 11th 2010, 12:18 PM

I know exactly how that feels, I'm probably the shyest person ever imaginable in real life. ^^; Its not that I choose to be, it's just that I can never find something worth saying, I don't want to start talking random rubbish or be annoying and as much as I want to I simply can't think of anything to say relevant to the conversation. And if I try people seem to go a little quieter and I panic and clam up ^^ Most people end up thinking I'm being rude or ignoring them so I don't make friends easily at all unless someone makes the effort to get to know me.

It can be kinda hard for people who don't have trouble in social situations to understand how hard it really is, it's really not as simple as "don't be shy". =/
I think the only real solution is practice. Sometimes I pop into the chat rooms here and try to say even just a hello and a few sentences here and there. Or I try talking to people on my friend list. Most times I really have to force myself but it gradually gets easier over time. I think talking to more people, about anything at all, even if only a little would help. It isn't easy, but it is possible.

Sorry if I rambled a bit, just thought it might help to know someone knows what you're going through. Don't despise yourself either, shyness is not your fault and it doesn't change the fact you're a nice person at heart. Best of luck

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Re: My shyness is making me want to hurt myself. - June 11th 2010, 01:02 PM

Hi Molly-

I completely relate to what you are going through. I am majoring in social work and when Im actually working with clients at internships and stuff Im pretty much ok, but outside of that Im so anxious about having to talk to people and I basically cant do it. Its actually pretty common for that to happen for people with anxiety, or who are shy. When you have a defined "role" its easier to talk to people and all, but when you are just yourself its basically impossible. I am glad that you are able to do everything on stage-- a lot of people couldnt do that so thats really a huge thing that you should be very proud of yourself for!

Do you think that it is possible that you have social anxiety disorder instead of being "shy"? Because thats what it sounds like to me. Having social anxiety is beyond being shy. I am diagnosed with social anxiety. Maybe you should possibly talk to a therapist about how much being "shy" affects your life- it really can be so helpful. They can teach you different ways to try to relax in social situations and also they can role play with you different conversations so that you can learn different small talk techniques to hold short conversations. Also if you decide to see a therapist (or if you already see you) you can also bring up your self confidence because that really plays a role in being able to talk to other people. The way that you see yourself makes you think that everyone else sees you like that too. But in reality, they probably dont. You are not a mind reader (I am constantly told that by my therapist haha). I think that if you work on becoming more loving and accepting towards yourself then talking to other people might become easier because you may not be as afraid of what people think of you.

Dealing with shyness is very difficult. It really is. And for people who dont experience it, they dont understand it. You will find people who will just tell you to suck it up and to just go up to people and start talking. But just know that I understand what its like. I know that "sucking it up" is not a possibility because the shyness and anxiety is beyond the point of being able to "suck up." Im sorry that I am not full of better advice because I am still working on my social anxiety and shyness. But please, if you ever have any questions or want to talk or anything, just PM me--I really do understand what you are talking about.

"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person." -Gerard Way
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Re: My shyness is making me want to hurt myself. - June 11th 2010, 04:12 PM

i have the same problem ._. theres actualy been people in my class since kindergarden who asked if i just moved here cause the never saw me, and people make fun of me and call me mute and bother me cause they know i wont talk back to them. so i have a few close close friends iv know forever, a couple friends iv know for not as long, and i cant talk to anyone. my best friend has to talk for me somtimes if wer at a store or somthing. it drives me crazy :c teachers dont even remember my name sometimes. i can only be open/outgoing around my few friends and only if its just them. :c

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