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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PoisonOrchid Offline
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Unhappy A desperate call for help - June 17th 2010, 06:15 AM

I am new to this forum
Im Alex and in 16 and a junior at high school
Lately I have been extrmely depressed and have had suicidal thoughts
This is my problem
So, I have a best friend. We shall call him John. Me and John have known each other since 2nd grade but we got super close this December.
I have had feelings for John since October but its the first time I told him in December.
Ok, now, I LIKE GIRLS. Hes the first guy Ive fallen for
So, continuing on
I tell him that I like him and hes cool with it. John was bi.
SO we get closer and closer and things get better. We tell each other everytihng, and what not
Just this March, He gets a girlfirned. I am crushed.
He gives all his attention to her, and ignores me.
We hang out but its not the same.(john lives down the block)...
I started going crazy cause im losing my bestie...
I resort to cutting myself, burning, whatnot.
He knows all of it and does nothing.
I somehow break them up, but they get back together again...
I go suicidal then.
We argue and he tells me to kill myself cause hes tired of hearing me say it.
And he says he doesnt care for me
I lost faith...
NO hope.
Im losing him
Now its all about her.
And I put him before my family. He was number one. My world
Lately hes been being mean to me.
He doesnt care.
And I feel that if my number one doesnt care, I dont have any reason to live.
I have nothing left forme.
I only want my bestie back...
And plus hes a senior, and gonna graduate.
His GF has already graduated.
I only need my bestie back before its too late for me and I fall into the deep end.
Please help me...
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PoisonOrchid Offline
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Re: A desperate call for help - June 17th 2010, 08:01 AM

Might I add,
Ive developed a hate for love, and anything love dovey.
Like kissing hold hands, other couples, even love songs...
Its going downhill and I feel that Im suffering super bad
He has the power to stop it all but he doesnt to anything... infact hes proud of it...
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
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Re: A desperate call for help - June 17th 2010, 08:39 PM

Hey Alex,

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time right now. But this is just temporary, you will get past it. I know how hard it can be seeing someone you love with someone else. Have you told John how you feel about him beinig with his girlfriend all the time? Maybe he can't break up with her but maybe he'll atleast try to spend more time with you. Also try to think of the few positives there are. Even if they don't make you feel better just try. Like he's happy and it's great he's happy. He still hangs out with me when he can. And he lives right down the block! Even though some things go wrong, doesn't mean they all have to.

Have you tried looking through our Alternatives to Self Harm sticky? It's awesome because there are so many different things to chose from if you are having the urge to cut. If one doesn't work, don't give up, try another! Also, I think it's important for you to tell someone about how you are feeling other than John. Maybe another friend, family member, teacher, counselor, anybody! It's a lot better than keeping it all in. Plus, then it's not just you fighting against all this sadness, you have a whole bunch of people helping you! I know how hard it can be trying to tell people but it's totally worth it. Maybe you could write it down then give it to someone. Don't give up on yourself. You have a lot to live for and I care about you.

Stay strong Alex,

Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
PoisonOrchid Offline
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Re: A desperate call for help - June 21st 2010, 06:50 AM

I honestly have tried to think those posititve ways but it brings me down faster
It kills me cause he doesnt care if I self harm
He even said that himself
And If I wasnt here, he wouldnt care...
I tell friends and all they say is that he isnt a bestie and that I dont deserve to suffer.
I feel that I dont either.
But i cant break my promise to never let go...
My friends even turned on me
I dont have hope for myself. Now they love each other. I have nothing left. Im never gonna have my bestie back...
I have found some help from the self harm.
The rubber band, but I have marks from using the rubberband
and the ice helps as well.
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