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Alexx Offline
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I don't want to leave the house.. please help :( - June 17th 2010, 08:20 PM

I'm so ugly. I'm repulsive. I'm ugly to look at and I have an ugly personality and I'm just so ashamed, I don't want to leave the house and I know this is stupid :S
I haven't been to college at all this week because I'm embarrassed and paranoid that people are looking at me and thinking "she's a freak."

I'm on my last chance at college.. I can't afford to get kicked out, but I feel so paranoid there, and have no motivation to go.

I'm just.. I'm such a freak. I don't know how to explain without going into a long explanation. I'm fat and repulsive to look at. I have depression and I don't even know what is going on with it, sometimes I'm suicidal and other times I'm not. I'm so out of control and I can't stand it.

I don't know what to do. I'm so alone. I don't think I'll ever be fixed, because it's just the way I am
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Re: I don't want to leave the house.. please help :( - June 17th 2010, 09:22 PM

Seriously, I know the feeling. When I was in college, I felt repulsive too. I still do feel absolutely disgusting. But keep in mind, colleges are HUGE. There are many people, and safe to say most of them won't look at you. In fact, a decent chunk will probably never see you at all. True story, my one friend had a party, and turned out one of his friends went to the same college as me, yet we had never seen each other.

Sorry if this sounds mean, but they're not all going to focus on you. They have bigger things to focus on, like their academics. So don't worry so much about it, since its unlikely they'll be focussed on you.

Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation

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Re: I don't want to leave the house.. please help :( - June 18th 2010, 10:06 PM

Alex, I am absolutely certain that you are not as "ugly" or "repulsive" as you think. Depression can cause people to have a distorted perception of themselves. I know it's difficult. I have this problem too. But whenever you hear that little voice in your head telling you that you're worthless, try to counter it with this logic. Trust me, you're beautiful inside and out. No one is truly "ugly."

This is not stupid. You are not a freak. This is a legitimate problem. It's okay. Is there a counselor on staff at your college that you could go to about this? You don't deserve to be so down on yourself all the time.
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