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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Open my eyes
Average Joe
Ess The Morgenstern *'s Avatar
Name: Esther
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Guadalajara, Spain

Posts: 170
Join Date: June 5th 2010

Feels so... empty - June 20th 2010, 12:03 PM

I can't feel anything but sadness and guilt all the time, like everything else has fade away. If I happen to feel some soft anger because of something, just one second later I feel so guilty, I don't know why, and after all I feel sad, so deeply sad. My antidepresants aren't helping me at all. Sometimes I feel like I've died, I can't help but to cry, because I feel a huge void inside me, because people I need the most nowadays are avoiding me (my best friend stopped calling me when I told her about my ED and SH) and I feel like I'm betraying everybody just because I smile all the time when I feel like screaming.
Lately I've been thinking about the idea of suicide, and even though I've attempted to suicide 3 times, I feel like this one should be more serious, something that can't fail I can't find even 1 reason to keep on living, my parents ignore me (so my brother do), my "friends" avoid me, my ED is the same all the time even if I've been in recovery for 7 months with professional help, I can't stop SH, the boy I LOVE is interested in nothing but fuck with me and he's quite far away, and all his words just hurt a lot, I have several mental illnesses, I can't stop blaming on me my grandma's loss, I'm doing worse and worse at school...
To sum up, I'm such a failure and my life makes no sense I just want to die

Fear Cuts Deeper Than Knives

"And if you told me 'go to the hell', I'd tell you I know pretty well that place"
  Send a message via MSN to Ess The Morgenstern * Send a message via Skype™ to Ess The Morgenstern * 
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Liz94 Offline
Here I go again
Regular TeenHelper
Liz94's Avatar
Name: Elizabeth
Age: 25
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Woolton Hill

Posts: 464
Blog Entries: 37
Join Date: February 28th 2009

Re: Feels so... empty - June 27th 2010, 02:27 PM

Im sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
However much you think suicide is the best option it really isnt. Maby your friends have stopped communicating because they are scared and so worried and dont know what to do as they dont understand. My friends did a simular thing when they found out so I approched them, explained it all or as far as I could and said if I was going to Recover I needed their support and help. It worked for me so Its worth at least a try.
If your anti-depressants arnt working then go to your doctor about other anti-depressants/treatments that might work for you.
Just remember that suicide is not the way out...there is always a light at the end of the tunnel it might be a long tunnel but there is always an end ( excuse the cheesiness :-) )
pm/vm me if you need a chat, rant , whatever really I am here for you

"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

PM/VM me anytime
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Jackkk Offline
Leave Me Out With The Waste
Not a n00b
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Name: Jack
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Location: Cambridge, England

Posts: 86
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Feels so... empty - June 27th 2010, 04:29 PM

Hi Esther. I know most of the feelings you described in the thread. I have a question for you. Even if you had friends around you and your boyfriend was being good to you - would you be happy? Please answer honestly..

I wouldnt, i had all of that, i should have been happy but i wasnt. The reason is that i have never been happy with myself, happiness was unreachable and thats because i made it that way. Somehow i need to be happy with myself. If you arent, well. Relationships dont work out, because you rely on that person for your happiness.

I dont know.. maybe i am rambling. Maybe this is making sense? I hope so, and i hope you are feeling a little better? Do you know why you feel so bad in yourself? so guilty?

Take care.

If you want to help me,
let me help you.

I will do my best to try and help everyone.
Dont hesitate to PM Me.

Take care. xx
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empty, feels

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