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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
fall to romance Offline
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I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - June 28th 2010, 06:43 PM

For the past several years, I've debated about telling my parents about my depression and suicidal thoughts. In fact, I'd even tried a couple times, but I just couldn't get the words out...not even in writing.

Now I'm living on my own, going to college. Recently the debate to tell them or not has gotten more intense. A couple weeks ago I got a tattoo to symbolize so many different things all at once. At first my parents disagreed with my design because it had to be kinda big and they also didn't like where I wanted it: on the upper part of my arm. They said it wasn't feminine enough. But my design had so much symbolism in it that I couldn't not get it. It was far too important to me. Finally I convinced them (somehow without telling them about the symbolism).

I knew that everyone would ask me about what my tattoo means. So last night, I did it. I wrote a note on Facebook, tagged the people I thought would care the most about it, and I was possibly the most honest I'd been to them ever. I wrote that I'd been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was nine. I told them how My Chemical Romance's music saved me. I gave them key songs to look up so they might understand. But I only told them as much as they needed to know to understand the symbolism behind my tattoo. (I would have written a book if I had actually explained every single bit.)

However, before I told everyone about my depression, I asked them not to bring it up in conversation with me, else I would shut down and stop talking. At the end, I told them they've no reason to worry about me. I let them know that I know how to work through these problems. I know where to turn if my depression starts to get the best of me, if my suicidal thoughts return.

The one thing I didn't mention was that I cut. I haven't done it in months. I don't currently feel the need to, so I didn't feel I should needlessly bring that up. Especially since I'm still coming to terms with that myself. Only one of my friends know, and that's how it'll stay for a while.

I just thought I should write about this since it's kind of a major step for me. My mind is currently torn between "Good God, what have I done?" and "Thank goodness."


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - June 28th 2010, 07:08 PM

Hi Brittany

Congratulation on making that step and telling people about your depression and suicidal thoughts!! That's a huge step towards recovery - and even though I don't know you, I'm really proud of you! A few days ago I was forced to do the same thing, in exposing my secrets to my parents. Seeing my dad cry when I told him was enough to let me know that people did care about me.

Your mind should go towards the "Thank Goodness" side, because now that it's out, you don't have to worry about keeping that secret anymore


Sometimes, we love people so much....
that we have to be numb to it.
Because if we felt how much we really loved them.....
it would kill us.






   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - June 28th 2010, 07:17 PM

Thank you so much! I am glad that I told everyone about it, but I'm still very nervous to see if my parents will talk to me or even look at me in a different way when I go home for a visit at the end of the week. I kind of feel like a coward because I didn't tell them in person, but in my defense I had tried. I just know that if I had, I would have started to cry. I'm one of those people who feels like they can't cry in front of people. I don't want anyone to think of me as anything but happy...however unrealistic that may be. But at the same time, I know that my mom and grandma especially would be supportive and understanding as they also deal with depression.

I just couldn't take hiding it any longer...eleven years is way too long.


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - June 28th 2010, 07:38 PM

I understand the not telling them in person part. I actually told my dad through an email - but he made me sit there while he read it. I DID cry, and did he - and neither of us are people who are comfortable crying in front of others.


I'm sure they won't look at you any other way than they always have. With time, those feelings will fade and everything will be back to normal. You're right - 11 years is a very long time


Sometimes, we love people so much....
that we have to be numb to it.
Because if we felt how much we really loved them.....
it would kill us.






   
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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - July 1st 2010, 01:19 AM

I like to think "thank goodness I'm a stronger, wiser person because of this!"
I'm proud of you, best friend. =] I hope you know you can talk to me anytime about anything.


"Life should not be measured by how far we can fall, but how high we can climb."



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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - July 3rd 2010, 11:00 PM

You should be proud of yourself Brittany - that's a very difficult thing to do. Hope things went well when you saw your parents and keep you head up - the fact that you felt able to tell people says a lot for you.


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
   
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Re: I told them about my depression/suicidal thoughts. - July 7th 2010, 02:08 AM

Thank you!

Actually, things went a little too well when I went and visited my parents. They were a bit overly nice....as thought the now view me as fragile and unstable. That was kind of what I didn't want to happen, but there's not much I can do about it I guess. It would be nice if they had just treated me like a normal person. I mean, I'm the same as I've always been, they just now know something else about me. I had hoped that they'd perhaps even see me as a bit stronger and self-sufficient. I don't think they realize just how much courage and strength it takes to talk about something like this....to deal with it for so long without help..


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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