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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Guardian_Angel Offline
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Giving up... - June 30th 2010, 01:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know what to do... every day for large portions of the day for months now, I continuously think about killing myself or dying or...

I don't know how to fix my problems of self esteem and insecurity, to make me hate myself any less...

I feel trapped within this person who I despise so much. Everything I look at I know it will end in failure. I am purposely cutting off ties with everyone... I don't even know why. Part of it is not wanting to be hurt when they end up hating me and leave. Part of me don't want to bring them down. Part of me knows it will be easier if theres less people to stop me when I give in and kill myself. I will also hurt them less as well.

Its depressingly easy to push people away. They just say I'm done. Like they want an easy way out.

I don't even self harm because I don't want to feel alive and I don't deserve to feel better...

Fuck. Guys I can't do it... I can;t even sleep anymore... I want to die...

I want to go to Crystal palace with a belt and some rope and die

I feel like I haven't REALLY got anyone, everyone is just on a cycle going in and out of my life.

My life is going nowhere, I have to restart the year and I lose sight of anything or everything I want.

My mind attacks itself pulls me down shows me how I fail, proves how its going to go wrong. Proves how people hate me why no one can love me. I disgust myself.

How is it fair that I have to live within this fucking prison of self hatred?

Isn't it more merciful to let me die...


Impossible
is a word
to be found only
in the dictionary of fools.


To do all that one is able to do,
Is to be a man;
To do all that one would like to do,
Is to be a god.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Quiero tener sandías con un patito como Tricia!
   
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Re: Giving up... - June 30th 2010, 02:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by failed-guardian~angel View Post
Its depressingly easy to push people away.
That's sadly true. I find the same myself, I merely need to stop talking to them and I've been forgotten within a week.

Why is you despise yourself exactly? Building a little self esteem and confidence would go a long way towards helping you feel better. No matter what you think, at least someone out there genuinely cares. Perhaps try mending the ties you've cut off, you don't deserve the punishment you keep giving yourself.

Restarting the year sounds a pain. I barely missed out on getting into college this year myself, and it sets me back a year too and it's hard to imagine getting anywhere I want to now. But a setback is not the end, it doesn't make it impossible to achieve your dreams and ambitions.

Try to concentrate on positive aspects about yourself a little more. Self-hatred and fearing things going wrong won't help at all. After all nothing in this world is impossible if you try hard enough. Hang in there and best of luck.


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Nina Twin Offline
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Re: Giving up... - June 30th 2010, 03:44 AM

Please, know that things will get better. There's always a silver-lining in the clouds, I PROMISE. Keep in mind that suicide is a permanent solution to short-term problems. While things might not be looking up for you at this point in your life, they will in due time.

You speak of yourself like you are weak, but you are NOT. You are strong, you have purpose. You have talents, people to meet, lives to change, places to go, things to experience that you haven't yet experienced. Don't give up now. I know it seems like people are apathetic, but I can guarantee you that there are friends who care and family who cares. I care about you and I've never met you. Imagine how much they care about you in that case.

Please, TELL someone how you're feeling. Talk to a school therapist, your parents, any adult at your school. Let them know that you're feeling extremely depressed. You CAN get help if you reach out, and I KNOW that you respect yourself enough to get that help. You asked for help on here for a reason, so why not ask someone in real life?

If you EVER need a friend, don't hesitate to private message me. I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation when I was 17, so I can safely say that I understand AND that things can get better. =]

--Marlie


"Life should not be measured by how far we can fall, but how high we can climb."



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Re: Giving up... - July 4th 2010, 12:29 PM

You can't push ne away. I will always be here for you even if you try you try. Don't give up. They say things get bad before they get better. Things will get better for you. Please talk to me.
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