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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Nomophobia Offline
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oh crap - June 30th 2010, 05:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

too tempted....I can do it tonight. or tomorrow. either way I need to. i can't live with myself. cant make this huge decision!!


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: oh crap - June 30th 2010, 05:33 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment.. I understand that suicide can sometimes feel like the only way out.. but it really, really isn't. Things change, all the time, and you CAN feel good again, and be glad to be here.

Do you know what's making you feel so bad just now? Why do you feel you can't live with yourself? I / we are listening if you want to talk a bit more about what's going on..

Please keep safe.. can you talk to anyone, be with anyone? If there's anyone at all you can trust enough to tell them how bad you're feeling please do. Even if you don't tell them everything just say that you're struggling and need some help?

Look after yourself. Please feel free to contact me if you need to chat and I'll be more than happy to listen.

You can do this.
   
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Re: oh crap - June 30th 2010, 05:34 PM

Or you couldn't.
People in the world love you.
Your death would bring them terrible pain.
Everyone has a reason to live.
And you have yours.
If you need to talk you can message me.
-Bryri
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: oh crap - June 30th 2010, 08:19 PM

That's what you feel... FOR NOW... You can make it through this, I and all the people here are here for you and believe that you can make it through this
   
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Re: oh crap - June 30th 2010, 11:34 PM

Don't give in, you can get through this. I know that decision is an extremely difficult one, but I'm sure you know in your heart what the best thing to do is. Believe in yourself and stay strong, things can get better, you can beat this and you have everyone on TH here for you, we all believe in you.


Currently inactive...
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
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Re: oh crap - July 1st 2010, 05:47 PM

Yeah I know whats causing this. And I'm still, if not more suicidal now

complete self-loathing is causing this. no there is no-one around. I want to feel safe and happy, but that isnt happening. things just keep getting worse, and I'm done with it now. I'm sorry.

I cant live with myself because I deserve to die, people would be so much better off without me.


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: oh crap - July 1st 2010, 05:55 PM

you dont deserve to die. People wouldn't be so much better off with out you. If you want to talk PM me
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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Tro Offline
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Re: oh crap - July 2nd 2010, 01:37 AM

I know I'm rather new and I probably should be viewing more than posting, but I went through the same exact thing you are going through. In fact, I'm still trying to learn how to not hate myself. I can tell you what I've been doing to help me along... I normally felt (and continue to feel much of the time) like I'm worthless and that it would be much better off if I were to die.

But what's kept me alive for the past year was that first, I kept thinking about how I should kill myself and I even did some research on what methods were available, and I concluded that killing myself using just about any method would only reaffirm how worthless I am. I kept thinking of how bad of a person I would be if I had killed myself by jumping from a balcony, using meds or firearms, or hanging myself... how my family would have to come by and clean up the mess and cry and feel horrible. i kept picturing how horrible they would feel and how it would be likely that they would feel so bad, they might even end up killing themselves (i thought this specially about my parents)... and it made me feel horrible for being the cause of other people's deaths just because i couldn't think of a way other than suicide to handle my problems...

The other thing was the method I chose for actually killing myself. I chose starvation because i realized that it was just about the best way I could go. I would stop imposing on people, who had been providing food for me (the food that I somehow couldn't earn myself and had to depend on others to earn for me, among other necessities). I would just starve and die, i thought. All I had to do was not eat, and it would even prove that I wasn't completely worthless, considering the fact that i had enough willpower to not eat for a month (if i were to succeed)... The reason this helped was because usually, when we hate ourselves so much at given points throughout the day or throughout the week even, sometimes during days at a time, it can become such a deep, intense feeling of hatred that we decide, on the spur of the moment, that we MUST die... but because days passed each time i tried to use my chosen method, i would find something to cling onto, something i did that i was even remotely proud of, and it would help make me choose not to kill myself in the long run.

Now, I'm not advocating the use of anorexia as a permanent alternative to staving off self-hatred, but I guess I'm just trying to say that if you are deciding to take your life, give it a few days or weeks even to mull over exactly what you are going to be doing and how your action will affect all those around you. The way I chose to do this was to begin my "attempt" through not eating. Not much damage is caused to your body by a few days of fasting, but jumping off a balcony will cause damage not even comparable to this former "attempt". So if you must, then you can try what I did, but just thinking it over without such actions is always better alternative... You say you can end it anytime, and thats true. We can all end it at any time. I live on the 12th floor of a skyscraper... Honestly, I could have jumped... but please try to hear me out before doing anything you might never have the opportunity to regret. Just give it some time, and make sure you think about ALL those people who love you, or who care about you. All your friends, family members, all the people who you've talked to, even on TH, and how every single one of them will be wonder why. They'll be thinking about why you did what you are thinking about right now. They will be wondering why they didn't notice sooner, why they tried their best to help you but it wasn't good enough, they will spend their entire lives with a tiny voice in their heads always asking why, even if they do manage to heal from all the pain they felt. In fact, they might even begin to loathe themselves for failing to help you before you hurt yourself...

Please, give it some time. Think about what you are trying to do before you do it. Is there anything really so bad that you can't handle facing it, but must run away to early death? Give yourself time to think about what you want to do to SOLVE the problem, to come out on top. Don't hate yourself just because of a few problems you may have, a few flaws. We all have flaws. I suck at sports, I've been slow in learning things and i've had to get teachers to always explain everything to me twice before I could remotely understand it. I've had self-control problems... but hey, you just have to accept the fact that these are problems and whatever problems you may have, tackle them... Start step by step and don't expect to get a miracle cure that fixes every single problem you have. We're all human, there's nothing that powerful that can help us solve everything instantly... Try not to think too much about killing yourself, but more about what you can do to help yourself, to start loving yourself... Think about how all those people that love you and care for you have found reasons to do so. How they've seen what a wonderful person you are and how they've decided to do whatever they can to spend time with you and be with you... Give yourself time to think, and think hard about all the people who are around you that will be affected (and who might even be triggered into killing themselves)...

Please don't give in... we need to fight self-hatred. I may not have met you in person, but I can already tell that you're a beautiful person inside. You're a nice, gentle person that has gone through problems and has become afraid. Fight it and make sure you realize that you are still the same beautiful person inside that you were when you didn't loathe yourself. Learn to trust in yourself first, because I can tell you from personal experience that not trusting yourself will only make you feel more afraid and alone. You are NEVER alone. There is always someone out there that worries over you and loves you. There are always people who care...

Last edited by Tro; July 2nd 2010 at 01:38 AM. Reason: Seperate paragraphs... so it's not a block of text...
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
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Re: oh crap - July 3rd 2010, 03:07 PM

thank you. Long post Tro! :O
I have been mulling this over for ages, and keep thinking of changing my method so I won't fail. I have the beginnings of anorexia anyway so the eating thing won't really work.
yes there are things I can't handle. I'm falling apart, and so everyone would be better off without me around. i feel very alone at the moment.
no one would kill themselves over my death.


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
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