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kathryn Offline
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Name: Kathryn
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Becoming increasingly frustrated. - July 3rd 2010, 01:01 PM

So I'm 18, but I've always felt older than I am. Even since I was a little kid. It's always been hard and I've always had a rough time fitting in. Of course I don't ALWAYS act mature, but who does? But I've always been pretty smart and pretty mature for my age. This of course, did not really help me make many friends because I was that weird girl throughout most of school. For instance, while other kids were still playing tag on the playground I was reading 400 page novels.

So it's been sort of annoying but I've dealt with it. I hated school, I never fit in. I was quite sick for a while in 2004/2005 and had to leave school for a while which didn't help things either. I came back, didn't get along with anyone and although I won't ever admit it offline, I really felt like if I had to put up with those people for any longer I was going to kill myself. Thankfully I was able to leave and finish my education at home.


Now I'm 18, and I have been waiting for this for years.. I figured I'd be an adult I'd be free everything would be great. Except now, it's still the same situation. I feel older than I really am, and to make matters even worse I LOOK LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD! I am tiny, flat chested and just look young. It is AWFUL.


So now I'm basically an 18 year old who feels about 25 and looks 12. This is not fun. No one takes me seriously. I've never had a real boyfriend, people my age think I'm a weirdo, and people who are older than me who I can actually talk to and get along with are a little unsure about having a "kid" hanging around them. It wouldn't really be a problem if I didn't look so young, but it's just odd for them when I'm hanging out with a group of 20 & 30 year olds and I look like I would be their little sister.


And recently I had a crush on a guy who is 23. He's awesome. I have alot in common with him and he's super nice.. but again.. I look like a kid so he seems interested but I imagine a 23 year old is probably not going to want to date someone who looks so young.



I really don't know what to do. I try to dress older by wearing nice clothes and everything, but I just look like a damn kid and no one takes me seriously. I can't fit in with anyone. I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. Before I could just deal with it, but now it's sort of hit me all at once and I had a revelation. I don't want to dumb myself down to fit in with my "peers"... I'd much rather hang out with my older friends who I am on the same level with... but I understand it's somewhat uncomfortable for them that I look like a kid.


Ugh. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to branch out and honestly the only people I can talk to are years older than me. I wish I could just sleep for the next 5+ years and wake up the right age.


~kathryn


four million+ will be killed in shelters this year.
don't shop. adopt.

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Re: Becoming increasingly frustrated. - July 3rd 2010, 09:34 PM

hi
I know it's may a problem, same thing goes to me, I'm 17 looking like 10.
you have to think that real friends won't judge you for your looks, but for the person you actually are, if they enjoy talking to you, hang around with you and so on there shouldn't be any problem for them to let you be around.
Just be yourself, looks aren't that important when you feel comfortable with yourself.
don't let this get you down, try not to get obsessed with it, best things in life usually come by accident.
All the best xx


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"And if you told me 'go to the hell', I'd tell you I know pretty well that place"
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