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Name: Montana
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Once in my life - July 3rd 2010, 11:25 PM

I want to he happy but, events, feelings, people, thoughts, actions and everything else get in my way. Almost a month without cutting almost a month without indulging in drinking. I should be happy but, it is as though I can't be. It's almost as though I want to go back to being depressed suicidal and self harming. I guess knowing what you thought was the right thing for 4 years it hard to give up. I need to be happy I'm gored of feeling like I'm nothing worthless I just don't know anymore.


" Be the Change You Wish To See In The World "
" What If I stumble, What if I fall..."
"Cause you're all that I want,you're I need. You;re EVERYTHING..."
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"Take my hand let me learn from my heartache"
"...I dance for you Jesus..."
Keep Holding on there Cupcake your Freakin special To me.
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Name: Ranada Givens
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Re: Once in my life - July 4th 2010, 07:09 AM

I know how this feels. I used to feel this way when I was around the age of 12-14. Kids used to make fun of me and I would feel like there was no point in living. That I was just a waste of space. That if I just ended it it would all go away. I could be somewhere where there was no pain, no hurt, nobody making your life miserable. I've never really dealt with depression, depression, but then again I am the type of girl who bottles all of her emotions inside. I guess that I'm afraid to let them out. I put on the facade that I'm happy even though I'm not always like that. Sometimes I get kinda lonly and really start thinking of all the things in my life that hasn't been fair, and then I get depressed, and as soon as those thoughts come to mind I push them back.

Really the point of that was to tell you to hang in there. The grass is greener on the other side, even though sometimes you have to fight a battle and win a war to see it. Don't give up hope, and self harming is hard to get over(even though I have never done it myself). Just hold on.

Your right you should be happy, so heres what I do,(and it works for me)when you wake up in the morning look at yourself in the mirror and find two things you love about yourself. Then say outloud I love...., and go on with your day, then before you go to bed find another two things you love about yourself and say I love...sometimes it really helps to know that you love you, and no matter what everyone else says thats all that matters.
   
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