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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Liz94 Offline
Here I go again
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Trying to put a brave face on everything - July 8th 2010, 07:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Note- It is possibly triggering to some in quite a few areas this is why I have left it as just triggering.

Im feeling as the title suggests really. Everything is just going downhill....

For the last month until this week I have been so unbelieveible happy.....

But this week waves of depression and unbearable urges to SH, Purge, starve are crashing over me.
The reasons why...

well this guy I thorght was really nice now only txts me dirty sexual stuff
My guy best mate has made me feel worthless, used and about as big as an ant. As we had some friends with benifit action on a coach and this isnt the first time we have kissed....we have quite alot actually. But for the third time he txt me going why have you told so and so deney it deney it....Its like he is ashamed and embarressed plus he told people first and was gloating which just makes me feel like I am his pathetic looser friend that he just uses to make girl he likes likes jealous and uses me to have some fun as it were.
Then my sister is worrying me so much. Shes depressed and has been making herself sick on and off for over a year she is just so down and emotional atm and Im the only one trying to help her.
Then I have to stay behind school to catch up of work as I have missed alot of lessons due to other commitmens.

So in short, Im trying to keep my sister from killing herself, My boy best mate has hurt me bad and he knows I like like him. School is becoming stressful, and I feel un-wanted by friends as none of them are really tlking to me. Im a social reject at school I sit alone in the mornings its getting my tutor worried. And things at home are turbulent anyway and have been since Christmas.

Its all just too much I want to SH so badly but despretly trying to match my pb of 2 months which is 10 days away. I really want to purge as yet again this week I have binged. I want to not eat anything tommorow. I dont really want to talk to anyone in person about it as 1. its too hard. 2. they wouldn't understand and 3. It would make me even more of a reject as I would be accused of attention seeking.

I just dont know what to do...Im lost ...HELP

"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

PM/VM me anytime
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Crescendo Offline
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You're NOT Alone - July 8th 2010, 08:52 PM

Thank you so much for reaching out for help. Your life is valuable and you're not alone.

It sure sounds like you have a lot of stressors in your life! The bad news is there is no magic wand or pill to make all the stressors go away. The good news is, there ARE ways to manage the stress. Two things that help me keep my stress under control is art/writing and meditation. Art is pretty self explanitory. I like to collage and write and really get my emotions out those ways. But also, the meditation is a big big help. Meditation can help increase relaxation, increase positive thoughts, and increase acceptance of the hard things in your life. At the core of many meditation practices is breathing. here is one breathing exercise i like a lot:

square breathing
take very slow deep breaths. inhale for two counts, then exhale for two counts. as you count inhale one two, exhale one two picture a side of a blue square forming (or any other calming color) for each count in your mind. so each inhale is two sides of a square, and each exhale istwo sides, creating a full square.

If you might be interested in learning more about meditation, let me know and i can give you some links to more meditation exercises and information.

Please feel free to vm or pm me anytime. I am always willing to listen.

"you're NOT alone.
There is more to this I know.
you can make it out.
you will live to tell."
-You're not alone by Saosin


When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Obliviate Offline
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Re: Trying to put a brave face on everything - July 17th 2010, 11:46 AM

I am really sorry to hear you are feeling this way

One thing is for sure.. you are NOT attention seeking. You would know if you were, let people think what they want... at the end of the day only you truely knows how you feel. don't let anyone else bring you down

I am in kind of the same position as you... except I wouldn't say I have any eating issues.

I also have a younger sister... She has alopecia. The doctors are all denying it though... she can't get any help anywhere. I try to be there for her the best I can but some days i find it hard to be there for her when my life is really messed up.
Alot of my friends are also treating me like crap... but I have decided to just let them get on with it.
Self Harm is one of the worst things to deal with. I understand where you are coming from when you talk about really wanting to SH.

The things that help me get through each day is music. I also write down all of the positives from each day. Even if it is something really small. I actually say to myself, 'be positive, be positive' over and over again. This makes me focus on something. It sometimes clears my mind too.

I really hope this helps.
You aren't alone, PM me anytime xxx

Last edited by Obliviate; July 17th 2010 at 11:54 AM.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Marguerite Offline
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Re: Trying to put a brave face on everything - July 17th 2010, 02:26 PM

Hey.. I know what it's like when you're happy and then stress comes and you feel like you're suffocating.

If I were you, I'd create some kind of to do list or plan.

It's always harder when you don't know where to go than when you're working towards something.

This is just a suggestion of what I'd do. Of course you should feel free to do whatever you want but you might find some things you would like to do in here:

1. Tell your guy friend that it's over. You don't have to be aggressive. Just say that you like him but it's messing things up for the friendship. If you have really big balls, you could tell him that it's hurting you.

2. That guy over text is a douche bag. I'd cut him out of my life like cancer if I were you, before you get attached to him. Just say something like "I like you, but I don't appreciate the way you talk to me" or "I think you and I want something different."

3. Talk to your sister. Tell her you've been there, you are there and you know it's hard. Tell her the truth, but don't say anything about food being horrible or anything like that obviously. Maybe you could kill two birds with one stone, helping your sister while finding someone else to help YOU. It'll be easier for the both of you to get better together with someone their who understands.

4. Set a day aside, go into a room with no distractions and don't come out until your homeworks finished or you have too.

5. Maybe find some sort of non time consumming distraction? How about volunteering or something? Something you could do for an hour or two a week. Or maybe a group at school? Do they have a magazine you could write for or a club you are interested in?

Peace xx
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Angeal Offline
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Re: Trying to put a brave face on everything - July 25th 2010, 03:20 AM

The one thing that really helps me is writing. I can write a poem about anything and get my emotions out. Lately when I was having suicidal thoughts I wrote about suicide. Also get rid of the guy sending you the dirty messages, and you can also turn him into the police for sexual harassment. The guy friend that you like, like, well tell him that and tell him that it won't work, and you don't want to ruin your friendship.

If you want to view any of my writings go to:
and look up godissogood, there's a place on the side if you scroll down to where you can find an author, and I'm going to start writing stuff in the self experssion section
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brave, face, put

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