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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
iMuse Offline
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It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 9th 2010, 11:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am depressed, I was getting better, but today my school broke up, and now I'm moving schools. I feel so alone and empty. I'm trying to stay away from the scissors, but I know that it will be really really hard. I can't bear this empty hollowness. It's like I'm an apple, and someone is pulling out my insides, I feel sick.

I wrote a short poem about it, it explains a bit:

What do you do when you can't hold on?
You can't breathe and you're all alone.
The reason for your happiness is all gone.
You're on your own now.

The fire of hope is burning out,
The black smoke suffocates your weak throat,
The pain burns and you can't go on.

The hottest of summers burn your skin,
But you still feel cold.
You wretch a smile to help others,
But you know they don't see it all.

What do you do when you can't hold on?
You can't breathe and you're all alone.
The reason for your happiness is all gone.
You're on your own now.



Please help me, I feel so horrible and sick. I just want to die.
I'm slipping back into my previous depression (before the current one), where I just felt empty and cold, I lay awake at night, smiling as I felt my soul collapse and mind shatter in the empty silence of pain.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 10th 2010, 05:49 PM

Hi Rosy,

You're a very very talented writer, my friend. I can so vividly see your pain. Also, Good job reaching out for help. It's not easy, but its a big step in the right direction.

you mentioned you've been depressed before. are you in counseling at all or do your parents know? If not, remember We all need somebody to lean on. Reach out for help and support from people online, at a hotline, or who you know and trust. if words aren't doing you justice, try art! you may have a mental illness such as Depression. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better.

one thing that helps keep me going is feeling like i have a purpose. most great artists and inventors had some major issues, but they are thought of as major contributors to our society. if you stick around, maybe you would help the world in some way, even if its just by being a kick ass mom, or mentoring a teen who has no one to look up to when you are older.

One of my favorite quotes is :
"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Try not to think about the past or the rest of your life. focus on getting through the pain five minutes at a time.


Everyone deserves to live. You are no exception. Listening to this song is a reminder of that for me (its not triggering) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc

"You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself. It's time that you won." - Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard.

Keep being brave for 5 minutes at a time, Rosy. Doing things you love can help get your through. For me, its writing, reading, meditation, and making collages. I'm always here if you ever want to VM or PM me.


Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 11th 2010, 04:05 PM

thanks for the reply and for the comment about my writing I like to write

I don't have counselling and my parents don't know, but I have told my sister, but she just bugs me about it, so I regret telling her.

I haven't cut for about a week now, I'm really proud of that

Thats a nice quote My favourite quote is either "not waving, but drowning" or "the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." Or "I'm sick of feeding my soul to people who'll never know just how purposeless and empty they've grown, because the language confuses like computers refuse to understand how I am feeling today."

I love that song/film It's such a beautiful, but basic song

Thanks for the help Megan It's nice to know that someone cares


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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 11th 2010, 09:00 PM

Hey

First of all don't feel alone, everyone at some stage goes through a rough time some worse than others, but still that doesnt mean your on your own. Your a really talented writer and if thats an outlet for you then keep at it, I'd love to hear more of them.
Have you told your parents how you feel? if not maybe you could try, if you don't feel comfortable do you have a close friend you could talk too, or if you dont feel comfortable with that either just send me a message and I'll be happy to talk to you.
Just hang in there, you seem like a lovely down to earth talented girl, and it does get tough but your strong enough to pull through it, you nearly got there once right, don't get down because you slipped back into depression, be proud of yourself for getting that far, pick yourself back up and try again.
Trust me you can do it, if you ever need someone just PM me xx


Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now..
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iMuse Offline
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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 11th 2010, 09:14 PM

Thanks Jamie That means a lot to me

I can't tell my parents, they are depressed anyway, my sister knows, but I'd rather not talk about it to her, I've told a few friends, but none of them understand what I'm going through

Thanks again for the great advice and comments on my poems



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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 11th 2010, 09:23 PM

ah okay well thats understandable, but like i said just message me if you need to talk to anyone alright? happy to help and keep up with those poems


Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now..
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It was going so well, but now it's sinking again. - July 11th 2010, 09:26 PM

thanks


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